Please enable JavaScript in your browser to experience all the custom features of our site.

RabbiHorowitz.com

Mr. Harry Skydell, Chairman
Mr. Mark Karasick, Vice Chairman
Rabbi Yakov Horowitz, Director
Rabbi Avrohom M. Gluck, Director of Operations
The first 1000 members will have a chance to win a
16 GB
iPod
touch
with Rabbi Horowitz audio

Membership Benefits:

  • Save articles to your favorites folder.
  • Save and print selected articles in a PDF journal.
  • Receive emails containing the latest comments on your favorite articles.
  • Mark articles as "READ".
  • More member features coming soon...

Raffle Rules:

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. To enter, complete the signup form and join as a member. Incomplete entries will be disqualified. All entries shall become the property of CJFL. CJFL is not responsible for lost, misdirected or delayed entries.

The contest is open to the general public. Members need to be at least 18 years old. Identification must be produced on request. Employees of CJFL, its raffle sponsor, advertising and promotional agencies and their respective affiliates and associates and such employees' immediate family members and persons with whom such employees are domiciled are excluded from this raffle. ALL PREVIOUSLY REGISTERED MEMBERS WILL BE AUTOMATICALLY ENTERED INTO THIS RAFFLE. The prize is not redeemable in cash and must be accepted as awarded. Decisions of the raffle judges are final - no substitutions will be available. By claiming the prize, the winner authorizes the use, without additional compensation of his or her name and/or likeness (first initial and last name) and municipality of residence for promotion and/or advertising purposes in any manner and in any medium (including without limitation, radio broadcasts, newspapers and other publications and in television or film releases, slides, videotape, distribution over the internet and picture date storage) which CJFL may deem appropriate. In accepting the prize, the winner, acknowledges that CJFL may not be held liable for any loss, damages or injury associated with accepting or using this prize. CJFL retains the rights, in its absolute and sole discretion, to make substitutions of equivalent kind or approximate value in the event of the unavailability of any prize or component of the prize for any reason whatsoever. This contest is subject to all federal, provincial and municipal laws. CJFL reserves the right to withdraw or terminate this raffle at any time without prior notice. One entry per person.


Davening - Part 2 -- "A"
by Rabbi Yakov Horowitz
Publication: Chicago Community Kollel

  Rated by 1 user   |   Viewed 15993 times since 11/2/06   |   1 Comment
Decrease Font Size Increase Font Size    [ Change Font Size ] Email This Article to a Friend
   

11/2/06

Chicago Community Kollel Interactive Parenting Column #11

In the previous column , two parents asked how to better motivate their children (a 12-year-old girl and 8-year-old boy) to improve their davening. In the response, we discussed four pre-requisites for inspired tefilah – for adults – and some of the ramifications as they pertain to the chinuch of our children:

1) A rudimentary understanding of the Hebrew text of the davening, and preferably an appreciation for the context and deeper meaning in these tefilos.

2) A feeling of vulnerability or a void/need in our lives that we hope tefilos will fill.

3) A feeling of connection to Hashem and the faith that our tefilos are answered.

4) And, in the case of children; age-appropriate settings and expectations for tefilos.

Last week, we dealt with the first of the tefilah components. In this column, we will address the second one:

2) A feeling of vulnerability or a void/need in our lives that we hope tefilos will fill.

Every challenge that we face contains an opportunity for growth and every blessing comes with inevitable challenges.

One of the challenges of raising our children in America – in the security, comfort and (relative) affluence that our ancestors only dreamed about – is that they rarely feel a compelling need to daven for anything. Let’s face it; what are our children missing, baruch Hashem? They are, for the most part, well fed, live in comfortable homes and play in safe neighborhoods.

I conduct parenting classes in varied and diverse communities, and usually get a pretty good handle on the challenges that people face by fielding questions in an open forum after the lecture component of the parenting classes. One of the more common questions that parents in North America ask is “How do I get my kids (usually my sons) to daven better?” I was never posed such a question in the more than 25 parenting classes that I conducted in Eretz Yisroel over the past ten years.

The lack of the language barrier in Eretz Yisroel is certainly a factor in more inspired tefilah, as children and adults understand the Hebrew words they are davening (see last week’s column for more on this subject). A greater reason, however, may be the fact that life is more “real” there. When you are trained at a very young age, as Israeli children are, to be vigilant 24/7 for suspicious looking packages for fear that they might be bombs, you tend to feel far more vulnerable. And vulnerability leads to far more concentration and focus on tefilah. (Just think of the expression, ‘There are no atheists in a foxhole’)

Our chazal (sages), in their timeless wisdom, understood that a central component in inspired tefilah is this sense of vulnerability. Perhaps this is the reason that a preferred quality for b’alei tefilah on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur (see Mishnah Berurah Hilchos Rosh Hashana, 581:1), is that the individual be above the age of thirty. It is at that point in life that people begin to feel vulnerable; as their children reach pre-adolescence, and they become more aware of their mortality.

How does all of this answer the questions posed by the two parents regarding the tefilah of their children? And, is there anything parents can do regarding this matter?

I guess my response would be that it is always important to understand the issues at hand – even if there is little that you can do in a practical sense. For along with knowledge comes awareness and the enhanced ability to problem-solve. In this instance, however, there is much that you can do to improve your child’s tefilah in a pragmatic manner.

Please note that these suggestions are not ‘quick fixes’ and you should not expect to see instant results. But then again, all forms of sustained personal growth are incremental in nature.

I think that in the long term, the one of the most effective things that parents can do to engage their children in meaningful tefilah is to involve them in hands-on chesed activities.

Think of it this way. If you accept the notions that: 1) Vulnerability leads to inspired tefilah, and, 2) For the most part, our children don’t seem to be, baruch Hashem, neither vulnerable nor needy… It would be quite logical that engaging them in the process of assisting those in our community who are vulnerable and in need of help would help them to develop a moral compass and engage them in their spiritual pursuits.

Here are some practical suggestions:

€ Contact your local Bikur Cholim organization and ask what you can do to assist hospitalized children in your community.

€ Include your children in deciding how do allocate your family’s tzedaka dollars. Ask them for their ideas, or if you wish to be more creative, set aside some tzedaka money and create a ‘board’ comprised of your children and have them vote on what chesed project they would like to fund.

€ Fathers, take your sons to prepare or deliver Tomchei Shabbos packages

As noted above, don’t be disappointed if you do not see instant results. But hopefully, with the passage of time, your children will become more decent, considerate and sensitive human beings. Along with the spiritual growth comes appreciation for the daily gifts they may be taking for granted – and with that comes more meaningful tefilah.

When my two sons were younger, the three of us would go to the Monsey Tomchei Shabbos distribution center a few days before Pesach each year to help prepare the packages for the needy families in our community. One year, as we got into the car after three hours of physical labor in the Tomchei Shabbos warehouse, my eldest son, who was about twelve-years old at the time, remarked to me that he felt that the mincha tefilah he davened that day, (all the volunteers took a break from preparing the packages to daven mincha), “Felt like a Yom Kippur davening.”

My son was articulating that he felt extremely “connected” during that tefilah. Why? He may not have understand it himself, but in all likelihood, placing food staples in boxes for needy families allowed him to experience the spiritual feeling that comes with helping others – and also made him feel vulnerable. And vulnerability leads to enhanced tefilah.

On a communal level, I strongly feel that children ought to be presented with opportunities to participate in charity projects that are child-centered, age-appropriate, and where the children can easily understand the project. There are those who take the attitude, especially as far as boys are concerned, that these projects are at best a distraction from limudim. I beg to differ. In my opinion, these projects breed a sense of communal achrayus, teach true ahavas Yisroel, and engage children spiritually.

In Yeshiva Darchei Noam, where I serve as Menahel, we conducted a chesed drive each year geared to engage our talmidim in the activity. Over the past six years, we sent 400 toys to the children of Gilo, Yerushalayim, during the first few weeks of the intefada, built a playground for the children of Gilo, created a laptop lending library in partnership with the local Bikur Cholim for the use of bedridden ill children, sent 150 Israeli terror victims on an all-expenses-paid Chol Hamoed Pesach trip, distributed hundreds of $20- Toys-R-Us gift certificates to Tomchei Shabbos families to purchase afikomen gifts for their children, and most recently, ‘adopted’ a Gush Katif school, sending them money for school supplies, sports equipment, and bicycles. In each of these projects, our talmidim wrote cards to the recipients of their gifts – and received many thank-you cards from them in return. (Click here for an article that I wrote this summer re: the Gush Katif Project.)

These chesed projects exceeded all my expectations. My talmidim are very invested in them, and feel proud that they touched the lives of their brothers and sisters in so many different ways. Do my talmidim have an enhanced appreciation for their tefila as a result of these projects?

I often daven that they do.

Best wishes for a Gutten Yom Tov.

© 2006 Rabbi Yakov Horowitz, all rights reserved

FYI; I recently released a 4-CD Parenting set, “What Matters Most II.” Disc #1 in that series is a one-hour CD titled, “Raising Respectful Children,” and discusses many of the topics mentioned in this column. Click here to order the set.

Next week, the third and final segment on engaging your children in meaningful tefilah.



To sign up for Rabbi Horowitz’s weekly emails, please click here.


Related Articles:
Davening - Part 1 -- "A"
Davening - Part 3 -- "A"


Reader's Comments:      Rating & Comments Policy      Rate & Write a Comment!
 Average Rating:              Rated by 1 user    (1 comment)
Subscribe to this Article
(by subscribing you will receive email notification
when new comments are posted)
There are no comments yet. Click above to write the first comment.
Dear Readers:

Please visit our Parenting Resource listing to learn about agencies and services that you can make use of. If you know of an agency that can be of assistance to others, kindly drop an email to our site administrator at admin@RabbiHorowitz.com and pass along the information to him.

I ask that you please consider supporting the work we are doing to improve the lives of our children. Click on these links to learn more about our teen and parent mentoring program that serves hundreds of teens and their families, or our KESHER program, now in 20 schools in 4 states. Your financial support can allow us to expand these services and help more children.

If you believe in the governing principles of this website – to help effect positive change through the candid discussions of the real issues we collectively face, please consider becoming a daily, weekly or monthly sponsor of this website and help defray the costs of it’s maintenance.



Working with Families and Educators on Behalf of our Children

This site is managed by The Center for Jewish Family Life, Inc., 56 Briarcliff Drive, Monsey, NY 10952
Project Y.E.S. was founded by Agudath Israel of America
The Center for Jewish Family Life/Project YES - 56 Briarcliff Drive, Monsey, NY 10952 (845) 352-7100 ext. 114 Fax: (845) 352-9593
email: email@kosherjewishparenting.com


Advertisements