Report this Post

Once again you've done an amazing job! Kol HaKavod! As you may have heard there is presently a molestation case here in Ramat Bet Shemesh. This predator walsk around freely while his victims are in their healing process. And who allows this? The Rabbonim. They have been involved (mostly to cover up). They know about the allegations and yet let him continue to teach our tzon kedoshim. Thank G-d there is now an organization, Lema'an Achai(www.lemaanachai.org), that is reaching out to the local victims and their parents. Their program, ,Safe Kids, allows someone to call anonomously and speak to a professional. Kol Hakavod to you and the others who look out for our kids!

Report this Post

Many molestors are simply sick, they have a problem that needs to be addressed and treated. Absolutely, our number one priority is keeping them as far away from children as possible, quickly, unconditionally and permanently. But perhaps this can better be achieved if there was some network in place to where molestors can turn for help? Could it be that at least in some cases, the molestors are aware that they have a problem, but are understandably afraid of what will happen if they come forth? Are we so sure that these people are just plain evil, rather than inherently good people with a problem that they themselves acknowledge and would prefer to overcome? Are they that much different from alcoholics, who also pose a life-threatening risk to society but can and deserve to be helped?

Let me ask the question this way: By calling molestors "rodfim" and "murderers," do we discourage them from continuing their crimes, or do we further discourage them from turning to somebody for help?

Might we be able to "nip it in the bud" by sending a message to offendors that if they come forth honestly, agree to stay away from kids, and seek counseling, they will looked after and cared for? Maybe this would be more effective than simply hunting them down?

I do not claim to know the answer to any of these questions, which is why I am opening the issue up for discussion.

Yasher koiach to Rabbi Horowitz, and may Hashem protect us and all our children!!

Report this Post

Report this Post

Child molesters clearly have a din of rodef. You are confusing pedophiles, who do not act on their impulses, with child molesters, who do not control their desires. Statistics show that roughly 4% of our population suffers from pedophilia. I would guess that the majority of these pedophiles do not act on their impulses and attack innocent children. Pedophilia is mainly a genetic condition, with environment playing a minor role. Most cases of pedophilia are not curable, although treatable to the point where the patient will not pose a threat to society. However, a molester who has no control over his desire to dominate children, and to abuse them (it's not about sexual desire, it's all about sadism), cannot be cured and the rate of recidivism proves that. Therefore, it is proper to advocate therapy for pedophiles. However, child molesters are rapists that need to be jailed and separated from society, like any other violent criminals. You should not have any more sympathy for them than one would have for murderers and rapists.

Report this Post

At times, teaching our children to think for themselves and evaluate even the messages of a Rav or Rebbe can make all the difference in the world.

Report this Post

I began writing about sex abuse in these pages more than four years ago

The Jewish Press, Mishpacha magazine, this blog, lectures, etc. - what are you accomplishing with your "awareness" if the calls are getting more frequent as time goes on?

You provided links to previous articles you wrote on this subject. This article says nothing new. I will ask the same questions I have raised before. How is the awareness helping? Is it helping? If you don't know, then why keep writing the same thing? How about demonstrating that all this talk helps?

Ah, but what am I suggesting, you might ask. Am I suggesting we cover this up?

My answer to that is: this isn't my blog. The ones who write the blogs and the articles and deliver the speeches are the ones who need to explain how their approach is effective. It is not enough to feel good that one brought the issue to the public's attention. If the calls are getting more frequent it's time to rethink the approach.

Report this Post

Report this Post

Molesters are truly sick. Here’s the problem. They are “addicted” to committing this behavior. They will not stop until outside forces stop them because they simply can’t. It is the occasional molester that stops out of fear that his actions have gotten out of hand. And for those that seek help, I feel strongly they should get it. It will help them get their lives back in order, it may help their victims to some limited degree knowing that the perpetrators have entered treatment, and it will contribute to the safety of countless others. There is no cure for the illness that makes someone a molester, and the worthless excuses of “doing teshuvah” contribute nothing to the discussion. I am uninterested in the “evil” label. If someone is at risk of victimizing another, he should be prevented from inflicting the damage.

In my profession, there are some offenders that do seek help. And there is much that can be done. I have never okayed a molester who underwent treatment to return to chinuch or such sensitive positions. While treatment has its benefits, it is not a cure. There is no research that has found a cure, and reports of such treatments are highly suspect.

Calling molesters “rodfim” might not be the ultimate deterrent. As a matter of fact, it is most likely that the molester is paying no attention to what we call him. It is necessary for us to label them as rodfim so that we retain a fully accurate picture of the severity of the problem and the far-reaching impact of this crime.

As with any addict, the molester rarely seeks help until there is something that forces the issue. It is most often that this means the serious consequences of court involvement. I am aware of too many instances in which it was expected that getting fired from a job would be the compelling power to get help. However, when someone is unemployed, most people would be seeking a job, not treatment.

The idea of “nipping it in the bud” is great, just close to unattainable. Why would someone who has just begun to cross lines seek help? Such an individual is far more likely to invest energy in eluding detection and avoiding getting caught. Just for a moment, try to think like the molester. (Yecchh! This makes me want to give back my last meal.) Apparently, just the knowledge that one has committed a wrongdoing is not enough to bring someone to the brink of despair where reaching out for help is the thing to do.

As far as comment #3 regarding priorities of Rabbonim, I might well agree. But a counter argument might be: The problem is beyond the scope where Rabbi Ploni feels he can have any impact. Instead of engaging in a process that seems hopeless, he simply involves himself in ventures where he believes he can succeed.

For some Rabbonim, this is probably a better choice. For others, it may be a cop-out. But this may be what they are thinking. I’m not trying to defend Rabbonim, just willing to try and view this from another perspective.

Report this Post

That case is now in the courts already, so details are public, but there was another case last week in which the family has decided not to file charges due to "shidduch concerns", despite the fact that they have DNA evidence against the attacker! (Note: the story does not indicate if the perpetrator was also chassidic or was an outsider.) That story is here: http://www.nypost.com/seven/08312008/news/regionalnews/sicko_search_stalled_126900.htm

Report this Post

First of all, the more this stuff is written about on popular websites such as this one, the more awareness is spread, which is the key. Secondly, Rabbi Horowitz is involved in helping victims and counseling the families - that is a great contribution!! He is in chinich, not law enforcement. We each shoudl do our share based on our individual kochos, positions of influence and so on.

Report this Post

That is a total cop out. Even if they can't do anything directly about the criminals, at the very least rabbonim can talk! They can tell people to stop stigmatizing the people who are coming out about the problem. They can encourage people to report things to the authorities. They can clear up the misconceptions that reporting is tantamount to mesira, or a violation of loshon hara, or that the problems are not worth paying attention to.

Why is this any different than sheitels, bugs in water, kashrus, concerts, evolution, or any other relatively trivial issue which everyone seems to have so much to say about?

Report this Post

That is exactly what awareness is meant to accomplish!!!! If the calls are getting more frequent it means that the efforts of people like R' Horowitz are slowly bearing fruit. Yes, eradicating this horrible scourge is the ultimate goal here, but that will not even be on the agenda if people do not acknowledge that it is a concern at all. The increasing frequency of reported incidents clearly means that the level of awareness is rising and that more people are taking the problem seriously. Soon hopefully, it will reach the tipping point that people are bothered enough about it that they are willing to take even more serious action to combat it than simply call their rabbi about it.

Talking about it is no substitute for a real solution. But make no mistake about it, the more that its spoken about, the closer it brings us to a real solution.

Report this Post

1] Baruch Hashem most of them never experienced the traumatic affects of abuse. Without firsthand experience it’s difficult to walk in a victim’s shoes.

2] The only time people start yelling is when they experience a financial loss. People worship the Almighty Ben Franklin, instead of the Almighty Hashem. Change will only happen once finances are threatened.

It’s high time we applaud and back the TRUE rabbonim and askonim. Those mavericks willing to take on the established mode of business, shake things up, and implement change. Every city has a few of these people who work in the shadows, meeting our youth B’Asher Hu Sham, wherever they may be holding. The time has come to shine the light on these great askonim.

Backing the new leaders, reporting abuse and molestaion to the POLICE, and establishing a NO-TOUCH standard will change the status quo.

This is a fight for our community’s survival. A fight we can’t afford to lose.

Report this Post

How does that follow, logically? I don't get it. And if it's so, how come R' Horowitz doesn't sound pleased by the frequent calls? He actually sounds alarmed.

Someone says "awareness is the key." It is? Please explain how awareness makes a molestor stop molesting. It might help a child/teen/adult resist seduction but then the molestor will simply try another victim. Do you think the goal is for every single person, including toddlers in daycare, to be so aware, that molestors won't be able to find any victims? Is this approach working? Can we have an objective way of determining whether this approach works?

And although it seems to me that R' Horowitz is implying that the problem is getting worse (proof: he is getting more phone calls), I don't follow the reasoning. Maybe you're getting more phone calls because you have been writing articles on the topic and people read them on this blog and in the JPress and so they choose to call you. If I started writing articles and running a blog, guaranteed, I'd also get lots of phone calls. That doesn't prove anything about the greater frequency of cases. Sounding the alarm, again, sounds like scare tactics to me and I think this approach is detrimental.

And note: all the comments to this article are going to be re-runs of the comments to the other articles. Why are we doing this again?

Report this Post

Report this Post

Someone says "awareness is the key." It is? Please explain how awareness makes a molestor stop molesting.

Are you actually being serious? I have a hard time believing that you are not just trolling here, but I'll answer you anyway.

There are two problems we are dealing with here: 1) the existence of abusers in the community 2) the community's reluctance to face the reality of their existence and do anything concrete about them

Problem #1 will never be solved if problem #2 is not even addressed. And that's where the situation was up until this past year. People were denying it, covering it up, ignoring it, etc. Efforts by people like Rabbi Horowitz to raise awareness have partly addressed problem #2. Of course he isn't happy about the increasing calls, because they reveal a horrible thing going on, but I do think he is pleased that more people are talking about it and not sweeping it under the carpet. Yes, he's alarmed, about how bad problem #2 is, but he's gratified that problem #1 is slowly being addressed.

> Please explain how awareness makes a molestor stop molesting.

Awareness doesn't directly make a molester do or not do anything. But it makes the potential victims more prepared to prevent the problem and to respond when a problem happens. It helps the public. Additionally, like any other criminal, when molesters don't have to fear punishment they are much more likely to perpetrate their crimes. By getting the public more willing to react to this problem the abusers are that much less likely to prey on their victims.

But yes, the real problem here is to stop the abusers, and to do that takes more than just raising awareness. But raising awareness is the first necessary step towards that goal, and people like Rabi Horowitz deserve commendation for their efforts.

I hope this helps makes things clearer for you.

Report this Post

Someone says "awareness is the key." It is? Please explain how awareness makes a molestor stop molesting.

Are you actually being serious? I have a hard time believing that you are not just trolling here, but I'll answer you anyway.

There are two problems we are dealing with here: 1) the existence of abusers in the community 2) the community's reluctance to face the reality of their existence and do anything concrete about them

Problem #1 will never be solved if problem #2 is not even addressed. And that's where the situation was up until this past year. People were denying it, covering it up, ignoring it, etc. Efforts by people like Rabbi Horowitz to raise awareness have partly addressed problem #2. Of course he isn't happy about the increasing calls, because they reveal a horrible thing going on, but I do think he is pleased that more people are talking about it and not sweeping it under the carpet. Yes, he's alarmed, about how bad problem #2 is, but he's gratified that problem #1 is slowly being addressed.

> Please explain how awareness makes a molestor stop molesting.

Awareness doesn't directly make a molester do or not do anything. But it makes the potential victims more prepared to prevent the problem and to respond when a problem happens. It helps the public. Additionally, like any other criminal, when molesters don't have to fear punishment they are much more likely to perpetrate their crimes. By getting the public more willing to react to this problem the abusers are that much less likely to prey on their victims.

But yes, the real problem here is to stop the abusers, and to do that takes more than just raising awareness. But raising awareness is the first necessary step towards that goal, and people like Rabi Horowitz deserve commendation for their efforts.

I hope this helps makes things clearer for you.

Report this Post

Professionals have long said that the number of reported s. abuse cases is but a tiny drop in the ocean of the total number of cases. Most cases by far are not reported due to shame and fear of stigma on the part of the victims and their families. Raising awareness removes the stigma, which results in decreased shame which results in a higher percentage of reported abuse cases.

It has also been emphasized repeatedly by professionals that due to the shame factor which practically ensures that a molester would never be publicly outed, the frum community has been a fertile field for molesters, who can operate unhindered without fear of being exposed. In the worst case scenario (for the molester), if they are discovered, community complicity ensures that it will all be hushed up, they can move elsewhere and continue to abuse and destroy others. More people calling Rabbi Horowitz means fewer people staying mum, and represents a real threat to molesters.

It didn't take a day for the horrific situation to develop as far as it has. Likewise, it will be a process to deal with it effectively, on all fronts. The increased percentage of victims that are seeking help and healing—and possibly legal recourse—is a very encouraging indicator that the process is under way.

Report this Post

Report this Post

The perpetrator is a Heimishe man in his fifties with a wife and family. He owns his own home and rents an apartment to tenants. The victim is a Heimishe eight year-old innocent little girl. She is one of the children living in his house, one of his tenants’ kids. She had visited his home many times before and would occasionally hang around with his children. He says he loves her and admits that he hugged and kissed her often. One day he crossed the line and yet saw nothing wrong with what he had done.

The man was taking a shower while the young girl was at his home. The bathroom door was unlocked and she walked in. He was just getting out of the shower and she saw him completely undressed. He explained to her what she was seeing and invited her to familiarize herself. The rest of what transpired is now court record and will be left to your imagination.

The girl later went home and told her parents what had happened. When confronted by the little girl’s parents the man explained that he felt that he had done the right thing as to avoid traumatizing the child and that she would be better off this way later in life. The parents called the Police, had the man arrested and got an order of protection put in place for the girl’s safety, effectively barring the perpetrator from entering his home since they lived in the same structure.

The man posted bail and was on his way back home, completely ignoring the Judge’s order of protection. The man walked up to his home and saw the little girl that he had molested sitting on the steps. He walked up to her, gave her a big hug and a kiss and told her that he forgave her and still loved her. The parents once again called the Police and had the man arrested for violating the order of protection. The man was sentenced to thirty days at Riker’s Island for the violation.

The man served his thirty day sentence and is now staying somewhere else for fear of being jailed again. The man had his day in court for the molestation charges and admitted his guilt to the Judge on every charge. When asked by the Judge if he would do it again if he were to be freed, he clearly and unequivocally said yes. He explained in all earnest that he felt that he had done the right thing given the situation and would do the exact same again. The Judge wisely threw the book at him and gave him seven years in prison. Though only a fraction of what he deserves, nevertheless, seven years that he will be away from children. Seven years that he won’t hurt another innocent child. Seven years that children will be able to hold on to their innocence without this man to take it away from them.

You see dear readers, child molesters are sick and dangerous. There is only one way to deal with child molesters and that is to lock them up so that they never get close to children again. Don’t believe that they can heal or get better, it does not happen. There is no place in a Yeshivah, a Shul, or in our community for a child molester. The pain and suffering that a child molester inflicts on a child within even one moment causes unbearable shame and pain that lasts them a lifetime. There is no place for rachmunis when it comes to someone that molests children. As Chaza”l say, “Kol hameracheim al achzorim, sofo sheyisachzeir al rachmonim”. If you feel rachmunis for the child molester you end up being an achzer to the innocent children. It is about time that children should be protected and not betrayed by their own Rebbe, neighbor or man in Shul. “Ubiartah harah m’kirbecha.” Let’s take out the trash!

Report this Post

Report this Post

What do the professionals have to say about this? Is the system set up so that seeking help gets you into more trouble than not seeking help?

Report this Post

Rabbis, professionals and laymen who recognize the depth of the problem are criticized for going public. Only a change of mentality by the community will create the atmosphere necessary for real progress in reducing the danger. Yosef Blau

Report this Post

It's true that the individual seeing the therapist was severely inconvenienced. But his children were protected from possible molestation - let's not lose sight of that. Imagine that you were a child in that family, chas veshalom. You would potentially be at someone's mercy to inflict terrible emotional harm.

I think that, because we ourselves are adults, we tend to identify with the perspective of the adults in the situation. We need to remember that children are completely defenseless and in need of protection.

Again, I am not saying that mandated reporting doesn't have downsides - almost any public policy does. But we need to recognize the positive as well in order to see the full picture.

I would be interested to hear from the mental health professionals who post on this site, such as Dr. Twerski. Do you feel that mandated reporting is something we should be encouraging in the frum community? And is it true what some bloggers allege that Agudas Yisroel has attempted to block such legislation? If so, what is their rationale?

Report this Post

Report this Post

Report this Post

Report this Post

Please realize justice will be served if you just seek the help of the police. I fully understand the frustration of the allowance of a plea agreement in the case of the Brooklyn elementary school rabbi. Don’t let this example of perverted justice sour your view of the justice system as a whole.

In regard to the Mondrowitz situation, justice could have been served years ago with more cooperation of your community, both in coming forward to press charges, and pushing the justice system to pursue the case instead of the opposite. Frankly, I am appalled by your community leaders lack of concern for their flock.

Why do I have signs of Justice, Justice You Shall Pursue, and Zion Will Be Redeemed With Justice hanging in my office, while your leaders who preach about these same verses go about perverting justice?

Please realize the police and US justice system is meant to protect the innocent by cleaning our streets from criminals. Please do your part to improve society.

Please come forward.

Report this Post

In last week’s sedra, we read the parsha of the “egloh arufa”. A corpse was discovered, and it was the responsibility of the elders of the city closest to the corpse to undergo a ritual in which they proclaimed their innocence. Until that ritual, they were held responsible. Each community is held responsible to insure the safety of its inhabitants and visitors. The posuk also tells us that this is accomplished by “Ve’ato teva’er hadom hanoki mikirbecho”, which the commentaries explain refers to the obligation to rid the community of murderers. We have a distinct obligation to have a process whereby we investigate and prosecute those accused of heinous crimes. Not innocent people, but the guilty cannot get away with it.

Report this Post

If someone was indeed molested, there is no question that the halacha dictates that he should go directly to the police. It's not only the halacha but the law of the land. The police are the best equipped to handle these situations and to investigate the validity of such claims. It is preposterous to advise an alleged victim not to go to the police for fear that he is lying. However, when someone refuses to go to the police for whatever reason (doesn't want to testify, embarrassment, etc.), or if the statute of limitations has already expired, then it is your responsibility as an expert, to determine the validity of the claim. Once you've determined that the claim is valid, then the name of the perpetrator must be publicized and all efforts must be made to remove him from any direct contact with children.

Report this Post

You’re working on the assumption that the accusation is credible. It sounds as if you are assuming that the accusation is definitely valid, and therefore the police and their investigative powers must be employed. I do not make that assumption. I need to know that there is credibility before making the “move”. Why? Because the arrest and the sequelae become public record. And there are reports that are not credible. Meanwhile, we have destroyed an innocent man, his family, and a yeshiva. Why? Because of our zealousness to exact “justice”? the accused individual has his rights. I am not protecting molesters. I am not establishing that this person is guilty until there is some degree of evidence to support that.

Among the false reports are lying, but also the taking things out of context. I personally had involvement in cases these past few months where incidents occurred that could have been suspected as molestation. Upon investigation, it turned out that boundaries were crossed, but these were more in the category of physical abuse (actually an abuse of power with discipline that was out of line), not molestation. The individuals will never again work in the settings in which these incidents occurred. But to brand them as molesters when there was no such offense is equally murderous. We cannot err in that direction either. You may go ahead with your knee jerk reporting, and I hope you do not make the mistake of destroying anyone who does not deserve it. I won’t be trigger happy. I am as anxious as anyone to rid the system and the community of molesters, whether rabbinic, family, stranger, serial, etc. But I will not participate in a process that ends up targeting people to destroy without supportive evidence. I will also do everything in conjunction with poskim who will provide detailed guidance about the restrictions and obligations of halacha. And the major poskim of our generation are not trigger happy.

Report this Post

Report this Post

In the former case I went straight to a board member (whose son had had altercations with the janitor, of which the father was unaware), and warned him that if he did not act, his son's life could be ruined by this person, and within 24 hours the janitor was fired.

In the latter case, the rabbi did not even speak with me but 'paskened' that it is loshon hora to even consider this single man -- who has been seen in compromising situations by community members-- as suspicious.

What we have are school administrators and rabbis who are completely untrained and hence ignorant about the pathology of such disorders, in addition to their lack of training in so many other areas. As a result, our children are less protected than they most likely would be in a public school!

Unless and until we as a community demand professionalism from our school administrators and a serious approach from administrators, teachers, rebbes, and rabbis, our children will continue to be at risk.

We have to look at risky behavior and see to it that people who fit the profile of abusers are kept away from our children. This trumps concerns about loshon hora and a laissez faire attitude. If we do not act soon, thousands of more children will be abused, and who knows what will happen to them as they become adults? Many will be scarred for life. A small number will go on to become predators, themselves, thus continuing the vicious cycle.

Report this Post

It is always difficult to judge others. Chazal teach us not to judge others lest you be judged as well. But the Yode'a Machashavos knows what the Rabbanim knew in each and every molestation case, and what they did about it. It would ease the mind of the entire community for at least some of the Rabbonim who knew about these cases to step forward and take responsibility for their actions, or lack thereof. They would have an opportunity to explain. We don't live in a media-less 19th century. We read the news and blogs. The Lipa Incident taught us: Emunas Chachamim is sometimes a double-edged sword. For every Jew that can go to sleep peacefully with the knowledge that every signature on that kol koreh (or any other kol koreh for that matter) did his due diligence in researching the cause he's supporting and has factored in da'as Torah to its full extend, you will find 10 that aren't so sure. The community isn't looking to argue. It is thirsting for LEADERSHIP. And, folks, leadership in the form of silence just doesn't cut it anymore these days.

Report this Post

Report this Post

I am not assuming anything. All I'm saying is that if someone comes to you with a recent claim of sexual abuse, and if that person/family is ready to go to the police, you should not dissuade them in any way. Why shouldn't they go to the police? Because they may be scheming liars? First of all if they were indeed vicious and vindictive people, then they will not be running to the police so fast. The police will certainly do an extensive investigation and they will be exposing themselves to prosecution. Secondly, the police are better equipped in investigating the validity of these claims. Thirdly, if they want to go to the police, what will you tell them? "Hold on until I investigate, because perhaps you people are vindictive liars?" Or, the old perversion of the halacha of messira, which has been used for years to silence the victims and to cover up for molesters? Based on your previous writings, I know that you don't hold that reporting molesters is messira. Rav Elyashiv has passkened that a molester has a din of a rodef and the Baltimore rabbonim have acknowledged his psak in their letter of April 2007. Going to the police is a chiyuv, not only from a halachic standpoint, but as a matter of civic duty. It is an obstruction of justice to advise alleged victims not to report a violent crime such as child molestation to the police. Your investigative acumen and expertise is needed for cases where the alleged victims refuse to go to the police, or in very old cases where the SOL has expired. That's where you need to make a positive determination whether the vicitms are telling the truth or whether they are lying or exaggerating. I would be suspicious when they refuse to go to the police, rather than when they are ready and willing to testify.

Report this Post

Integity demands that the posek assign equal weight to both categories of issurim so that no bias taints his decision before hearing out a case. Unfortunately, however, there exists a clearly apparent tendency toward minimizing and denying the problem. As a resul, in our community, the cries of children meet with silence on a far more frequent basis than the rate at which innocent men are sent to jail on fabricated or inaccurate charges of abuse.

If our menahalim and rabbonim find the subject of abuse difficult to address honestly and to hear about openly in public discourse, "lema'an Hashem," where should our cying children turn?

Report this Post

“Totally compartmentalize your life and detach logic from emotions. Just because a person is a relative who you naturally have feelings for, you have to detach those feelings and look at the situation from a strictly business perspective. A criminal is a criminal regardless of the last name. Some brothers are brothers by name only. Look at everything objectively and just squash your emotions. Relatives are special as long as they don’t abuse that specialty”.

If you know one of yo own relatives is harming innocent children with sexual abuse, just separate logic from emotions. The person might be a relative, but they are vile perpetrators. Put the emotions aside and U’Bearta Harah Mikirbecha. If your child was molested by a relative YOU HAVE AN OBLIGATION TO PROTECT YOUR CHILD THE VICTIM. NOT the relative the ABUSER.

Follow your logic and CALL THE COPS. They are there to PROTECT you not harm you. Why can’t people get it?

The comment is here: http://theunorthodoxjew.blogspot.com/2008/09/military-rabbi-suspected-of-raping.html

Report this Post

Report this Post

Here are a few signs you may notice in a synagogue, school or camp setting.

The abuser would generally display at least one of these behaviors: · Having no respect for personal space of people (i.e. feeling people up or patting them down, “extreme” hugs etc.).

· When told they are making the other person uncomfortable they continue the behaviors against the person’s will.

· Arranging private time to be with the child.

· Loiters near restrooms, locker rooms, etc.

· Comment suggestively about other people’s clothing or figure.

· Giving money or gifts for no apparent reason.

All these are behaviors which invade personal privacy, lower inhibitions, and breach expected adult-child ethical conduct.

Good luck protecting your community!

Report this Post

I look at this as the biggest Chilul Hashem, not the fact that after trying all other avenues of assistance and satisfaction through OUR COMMUNITY, the only options left to victims is to publicize their pain and their humiliation in order to make OUR COMMUNITY understand the reality of the situation.

Honestly who is to blame that NO ONE WAS LISTENING? Who is to blame that NO ONE PAID ATTENTION until the stories were finally put into print for ALL to read? Was it not known until now? Yes it was, but it was ignored and dismissed.

Maybe we can keep it out of the papers and save the victims and the families of the perps publicity they don't want or need, if there are systems put into practice that actually address the issues and the health, safety and well-being of the innocent children first, before worrying about the innocence or guilt of the accused.

There should be standard procedure for ALL yeshivas if there is a complaint, and in my humble opinion, that is to "quarantine" the accused until the issue is investigated throroughly. ALL teachers and/or Rebbeim take a leave or vacation for "family simchas" and no one has to know otherwise. As far as any other faculty member or student is concerned that particular person has taken a vacation for a period of time.

That way no one has to know anything and an investigation can begin quietly but apropriately. First among the administration asking whether there were any complaints about this person before. Then by speaking to the children and asking questions that a therapist advises be asked. Questions that don't lead a child but something like "how do you like the substitue? Are you doing ok with him/her? Do you miss your Rebbe/Teacher? Why?....

While the Rebbe/Teacher is quaranteed he/she should be instructed that he/she cannot contact any child or parent or anyone at the school. If they do they will automatically be dismissed and the matter will be turned over to the authorities.

The administration or their representative should also question the Rebbe/Teacher. Maybe the representative should be a psychologist who might be able to determine if that person is telling the truth or not. A therapist will also know the appropriate questions to ask. That person, of course would have to get a release from the employee that the conversation could be discussed with the School Administration.

If the employee has nothing to hide, they will cooperate with the therapist. If they do, they may or may not ask for legal representation as they don't want to incriminate themselves. They of course will do their best to lie, but they might be afraid that the therapist will be smart enough to get them to admit something about what a child might have revealed.

The Yeshiva administration should never reveal to the teacher/Rebbe exactly which child made the accusation or what the accusation actually was.

If shuls and schools would take accusations seriously and investigate, they can either stop a false accusation before it gets out of hand, as was the situation that Dr. Twerski described where the abuse was unacceptable disciplanary abuse not molestation; or they will actually stop a child molestor and remove him/her from potential victims. That is the first step.

What should be done with the abuser after removing him/her from the school is step number two and that determination, I believe should be based on how many victims they haramed and how long they were active. If it is someone's first offense and they are caught right away, I don't know if arresting that person would be the right thing to do. I am not a therapist but someone who will be listed on a sex abuser registry, who is subject to long term therapy and who cannot work or volunteer near children, might be enough to keep them in check.

On the other hand, someone who is a "professional" molester, who has harmed many children and has a history might need to be incarcerated to give him/her the break they need to "break" the habit.

I'll ask this of the therapists, if a seasoned professional is removed from his environment and confined to their home, are their own children more at risk?

Whether or not to contact the police, I would say that is a matter of case by case situation. And I would go by the what the best Posek I could find would say. Right now Rav Eliyashav put out a psak equating molestors to rodfim. So maybe poskim will take a harder line, obviously I am not qualified to say just make observations.

But whether or not the police gets involved or not, there would be no reason to publicize any cases in the papers if their is cooperation on all sides. If molestors are removed from potential victims there is no reason to cause any more pain neither for the victim nor for the abuser's innocent family. If anything was publicized without the permission of the victim then EVERYONE can blame the reporters not the victim. So the next time you read something on one of the blogs like Vos is Neis or any of the other "news" sources which is really a source of gossip and loshon horah.

As much as every one or anyone "yells" and "screams" chilul hashem on these blogs, do they themselves not realize that they are public blogs and goyim and frei yiddin can read them too, and they do. One blog links to another, to another and to another. When you do a search on a subject it will bring you any number of sites with that or similar information. So who exactly is VIN and others helping when they themselves reprint a story that their readers call a Chilul Hashem?

Personally I believe that victims are entitled to a voice, but it is up to them how, where and when they wish to handle it. If they choose to do it quietly and give the Yeshiva and molestor an opportunity to do the right thing, but they refuse to; if they go to their own RAV to help and the response they receive is "my hands are tied....", if they try not to hurt the abuser's family but no one cares about their pain or how their lives were changed and damaged, then who are WE or ANYONE to judge how they go about getting their message across? How many times do they have to stand there and be abused over and over again?

Report this Post

When I spoke to Dr. Twerski myself, he confirmed that the project was not going to deal directly with the complaints themselves, but to develop systems to enable yeshivos, schools, and communities to handle their own problems internally. He was upset that an effort at trying to help the Klal was being scuttled by uninformed people spreading false accusations.

One must hope that Dov Hikind will find someone qualified to guide this Task Force so that we can accomplish the goal of seeing our children safe everywhere, school, shul, and home.

How the shmear campaign about Dr. Twerski could be so quick, especially during Chodesh Elul is a puzzle. What a shame. Something about to happen, only to be shot dead at the source.

Report this Post

I am a mother of a couple of kids, married B'H to a wonderful man, and have been molested a couple of times by an older brother, may he fry in hell when his time comes. I am now in therapy, which was brought on by a major depression, and have uncovered this traumatic experience from when i was a kid. This is something that i was always desparately in 'denial' about and thought it would 'go away' for lack of anything else of what i thought i could do about it.

Although my parents knew of one of the incidents- forced "french kissing" when i was nine (and for all those whose stomache is strong enough, oral sex when i was six!) they opted for the 'ignorance is bliss' atittude. Going thru the ramifications now soo many years later is such a horrifically painful experience i only wish it on my enemies, my brother included.

i have confronted my brother, to which at first he apologized about it and 'felt terrible' however, when i got more angry thru thye therapy process and starting venting my justifiable anger to him it got to much for him so he 'took it all back' confession and all.Suddenly i was hallucinating and making up things that never existed and i have to 'be careful' with what i dare say to anyone because then i will be harming his wife and kids and ruining his family!!!

Now i am not only dealing with the hurt and pain, i was also given the additional 'job' to protect him from what he did!!!

Nevertheless i have shared the incident with some of my siblings and he knows that. However while the support level ranges from very bad ("it is over and done with, now what could you do about it...") to okay, i still feel restricted about my feelings.

My therapist, which costs me over 1,000 bucks a month (money i don't have) keeps encouraging me and supporting me in the fact that i have no responsibility to protect him whatsoever. Oh but the denial out there, the wonderful denial that we live with. Were i to share this info with people who know him (he is an 'askan' in the community) how likely it is for it to bounce back at me as someone spreading lies about an upstandin member of our community.

Rabbi Horowitz, i too dream of the day thst molesters would need police escorts, and molestees wouldn't feel the incredible burden of fearing to ruin the family lfe of these molesters (as my parents beg, "they are are grandchildren, how could i make such a thing public-and ruin 'thier name'")

I will recover, together with my therapists health,regardles, and maybe even in spite of what happens to him. However there is so much added unneccesary pain, by being 'forced' to keep it a secret by our community.

Thank you Rabbi Horowitz for at least allowing me to do this much.

Just one question on that terrific article-Can there really be a 'frum' pedophile? isn't that an oxymoron?!?

Report this Post

The path to healthy living is non-linear, and the pain can start at any time despite the best coping methods. I know the feelings of panic attacks, and feeling constantly on guard. I know the feeling of rage when I want to take matters into my own hands. Trust me, I know the feelings too well.

What helps keep my sanity?

It’s the knowledge that Hashem will dish out a sweeter revenge than I could possibly do myself (and I had many sweet ideas!). I pray that one day the truth about my abusers will be heard. I pray for their quick demise, so they never have a chance to apologize to the many victims they harmed over the years, with the protection of the community.

Having a support system in place is very helpful. Someone who believes in you, encourages you, and helps you up when you fall is so important. Reading Rabbi Twerski books, reading Lisa Aiken’s Why Me God?, and talking to other survivors who have found their footing is really helpful. Having the proper chassan/kallah classes are so, so, so important.

Please be strong. Please believe things will get better. Hashem should give all of us survivors the koach to go on. Hashem should give the strength to those who help pick us survivors up from the floor. Hashem should pay in this world for the thousands of hours of help and advice they give.

May you and your husband have many happy years with each other.

Report this Post

In fact, Rabbi Horowitz spends 99% of his time today, getting the new YDN/Ohr Ruven up and running in a new building and on a sound footing. I happen to know that he wrote this article on a plane, when he couldn't make the important fund-raising calls anyway. If you don't like Rabbi Horowitz, that's OK. Just behave properly and follow the laws of shmiras Haloshon!

Report this Post

I believe that the klal forgets the great things he has done and that everyone focuses on the negative.

Rabbi Horowitz, I am impressed with you and all that you have done. Thank you for your great work!

Report this Post

Let's remember to treat Rabbi Horowitz shlit"a with proper kavod.

Report this Post

This is truly a Chilul Hashem that someone who has the sechel, knowledge, heart and spirit to truly understand both sides of the coin and has the "guts" to not only protect the innocent children but also to "understand" the illness of the accused and innocense of their families and to guide the "olam" in handling the sensitivity of the issues not only halachicly but also as sensitively as possible in regard to all parties involved.

Most others would not be as fair minded to ALL parties as Dr. Twerski has proven to be. Not only is this a Chilul Hashem to make such a non-judgmental, level-headed, intelligent, learned, experienced and truly frum jewish individual step down from this very responsible position that is a great burden to anyone that would be willing to assume this responsibility; but it is a true example of cutting off one's nose to spite their face or as some would say "hoisted on their own petard".

I am sure that the next person who accepts this challenge will have a much tougher line and be much more determined to accomplish the goal of ridding the Jewish society of molesters and pedophiles without the same sensitivity to the "illness" and without the fear those cowards will hope to instill in the next candidate as well.

Imagine the chutzpah of these "am haaretz" individuals who would stoop so low to threaten Dr. Twerski. Is that what the Torah teaches? Is that halachacly appropriate. Does that make them Frum, G-d fearing individuals? How brave they think they are, they can threaten a Tzaddik rather than help each other drag their heads out of the sand. These people must have been cursed at one time with the old fashioned Yiddish curse "zolst vaksin vi a tzvibel mit der kopf in der ert" - you should grow like an onion with your head in the earth!!!

Report this Post

And those revenge feelings, oh are they strong, so strong that they are painful, even passing the sweet point. Because I know that there is really nothing I can do to him that will take away the pain. Yup, the incident is over, but the feelings of being violated, controlled and manipulated against my will,are always going to be part of me, no matter how many years will pass. Nothing that will be done, even an apology on his part (and even in the highly unlikely event that it would be sincere) can take away the feelings of helplessness and shame he inflicted on me. I will work in therapy to do whatever it takes to help me get healthy, but his abuse can never be retracted. Thank you for taking the time to empathize and validate me.

And to all you molesters out there--Shame on you!

Shame on you, that to fulfill your sick desires you cause irreplaceable damage to those of us molested.

Shame on you for causing us to be permanantly blemished through no fault of our own.

Shame on you for making us feel the blame and horrific shame of your despicable desires.

Shame on you for making us feel like we are trapped in a violated body.

You may think you are have power, but we have the real Power on our side, Hashem's power. And the day will come when you will be under His Power that will release His wrath on you from which you will not be able to escape.

Dr. Twerski, I am living proof that the molestation problem does exist. Tzku L'mitvos and we Ma'aminim know, L'fum Tza'ara Agra, your reward for all your effort is immeasurable.

Report this Post

The PROTECT Our Children Act will:

Authorize over $320 million over the next five years in desperately needed funding for law enforcement to investigate child exploitation. Mandate that child rescue be a top priority for law enforcement receiving federal funding. Allocate funds for high-tech computer software that can track down Internet predators. Act Now! Your U.S. senators will be voting on the bill soon, so it is crucial you contact them immediately. Go to www.senate.gov to find contact information for the senators in your state. Search for your senator by name or state by clicking on the arrow from either dropdown menu. Contact information is provided here. To send an e-mail, click on "Web Form" below his or her name, and e-mail your letter to make a difference! Call Your Senators If you choose to contact your senators by phone, be sure to tell them, "Vote yes on Senate Bill 1738—The PROTECT Our Children Act."

Write to Your Senators If you choose to write a letter, fax, telegram or e-mail, you may use the following sample letter—and modify it how you see fit.

Dear Senator:

I know that you believe, like I do, that we must do everything possible to protect children from sexual predators. That is why I am asking for your help.

Last year alone, U.S. law enforcement identified over 300,000 criminals who were trafficking in movies and pictures of young children being raped and tortured. Experts say that one in every three of these criminals has local child victims. Child pornography trafficking over the Internet has given us a trail of evidence that leads straight to their doorsteps, but the vast majority of these children will never be rescued because investigators are overwhelmed, outnumbered and underfunded.

As your constituent, I urge you to do everything in your power to pass the PROTECT Our Children Act (S. 1738, Biden-Hatch). This bipartisan legislation passed the House 415-2, but it is now the victim of petty partisan politics.

Now that we know where these children are and how to protect them, there is no excuse for the Senate to fail to take action this session.

(Your name here) Instructions for How to Copy and Paste the Letter To copy and paste the letter into your senator's web form at www.senate.gov, point your mouse arrow at the beginning of the text that you want to copy. Click your left mouse button and hold it down. While holding the left mouse button, drag your arrow to the end of the text that you want to copy. Release the button. The text should be highlighted. Place your mouse arrow over the highlighted text, click your right mouse button once and let go. A new menu should appear. Select Copy from the drop down menu. When you get to the message form field for your senator at www.senate.gov, point your arrow at the beginning of the message field that you want to copy your text to and right click with your mouse. Click Paste from this menu. Submit your form and help our children!

Report this Post

However, perhaps my pain can at least help some other people, with the following message.

If there is anyone out there who has the horrific 'tza'ar of having a child molest a sibling, you CAN be there for both of them. Send them BOTH for professional help, individaluly catered to thier needs. That is truly CARING for your children. the Aibeshter doesn't allow us to pick our Nisyonos. However, we are required to deal with them in the proper way.

Being "yiddish' and being 'frum' and 'tzniusdige' and believing that molestation is something that can't be discussed in our 'heilige communities' because we need to shield our children from such 'tumahdigeh topics,' is in essence being a kofer. HASHEM IS THE ONE WHO PUT THE MOLESTERS INTO THIS WORLD, AS A NISAYON TO DEAL WITH.

Not discussing or dealing with these issues, is ALMOST like being frum-with just a slight change of one letter--it is called being Krum.

We victims might be living our gehennom on this world, but all you people that are in the position to help us out and are not 'l'shem Shomayim' as not to make a Chillul Hashem' will probably end up getting their share of gehennom in the next.

And for all you out there who will feel the desparate need to misconstrue my last sentence by thinking that who am i to pasken about yenem's olam habba,(actually you people probably won't even go to such a website,but any way...) you can think whatever you wish tohelp you stay in denial-but one thing we all agree on is Yeish Din V'yeish Dayan.

B'virchas K'siva V'Chasima Tova to Gantz Klall Yisroel.

Report this Post

B) Shiduchim structure. Our culture spells precious little hope for young men and women who desire – lets face it – REAL choice and opportunity to try and match up with someone that fits their bill. Be that in terms of mutual understanding, common ground, physical attraction, and expectations in day-to-day life. Moreover, the recognition and acceptance of likely evolution of those. Yes, broad cultural areas are covered by parents, but people are still unique, and often need space to carve out a distinct life for themselves. Our system is simply very poor at catering for the above. When divorce rates are on the up, that's the solution! The problem is when unmatched couples stick together in a life that drives them ever further apart emotionally. Often a growing family is a culprit. So what does a person who feels condemned to a life of eternal misery do? Some will re-educate themselves, others will suffer, but a percentage would try to shop elsewhere. Children are sometimes a much easier target. I am NOT offering solutions. All I a saying is that ignoring realities is certainly not productive. Where is the Chassidish Pope?