Please enable JavaScript in your browser to experience all the custom features of our site.

RabbiHorowitz.com
Please Use Our New Website
still under constructions
to purchase safety books and educational materials
https://thebrightbeginnings.com

Mr. Harry Skydell, Chairman
Mr. Mark Karasick, Vice Chairman
Rabbi Yakov Horowitz, Director
Rabbi Avrohom M. Gluck, Director of Operations
The first 1000 members will have a chance to win a
16 GB
iPod
touch
with Rabbi Horowitz audio

Membership Benefits:

  • Save articles to your favorites folder.
  • Save and print selected articles in a PDF journal.
  • Receive emails containing the latest comments on your favorite articles.
  • Mark articles as "READ".
  • More member features coming soon...

Raffle Rules:

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. To enter, complete the signup form and join as a member. Incomplete entries will be disqualified. All entries shall become the property of CJFL. CJFL is not responsible for lost, misdirected or delayed entries.

The contest is open to the general public. Members need to be at least 18 years old. Identification must be produced on request. Employees of CJFL, its raffle sponsor, advertising and promotional agencies and their respective affiliates and associates and such employees' immediate family members and persons with whom such employees are domiciled are excluded from this raffle. ALL PREVIOUSLY REGISTERED MEMBERS WILL BE AUTOMATICALLY ENTERED INTO THIS RAFFLE. The prize is not redeemable in cash and must be accepted as awarded. Decisions of the raffle judges are final - no substitutions will be available. By claiming the prize, the winner authorizes the use, without additional compensation of his or her name and/or likeness (first initial and last name) and municipality of residence for promotion and/or advertising purposes in any manner and in any medium (including without limitation, radio broadcasts, newspapers and other publications and in television or film releases, slides, videotape, distribution over the internet and picture date storage) which CJFL may deem appropriate. In accepting the prize, the winner, acknowledges that CJFL may not be held liable for any loss, damages or injury associated with accepting or using this prize. CJFL retains the rights, in its absolute and sole discretion, to make substitutions of equivalent kind or approximate value in the event of the unavailability of any prize or component of the prize for any reason whatsoever. This contest is subject to all federal, provincial and municipal laws. CJFL reserves the right to withdraw or terminate this raffle at any time without prior notice. One entry per person.


Reciting Divrei Torah at the Shabbos Table
by Rabbi Yakov Horowitz
Publication: Chicago Community Kollel

Not Rated Yet   |   Viewed 5787 times since 11/2/06   |   0 Comments
Decrease Font Size Increase Font Size    [ Change Font Size ] Email This Article to a Friend
   

11/2/06

Chicago Community Kollel Interactive Parenting Column #8

Rabbi Horowitz,

Thank you for providing this excellent forum.

My 18-year-old son has a passion for music. Despite the fact that he was, BH, blessed with a quick, sharp mind, he unfortunately has not (as of yet) developed a cheishek or love for learning.

My question is, he really dislikes preparing or giving over a dvar Torah at the Shabbos table, when he is at home bein hazmanim. He will sometimes prepare something, which is always a big favor and done as a chore. When he does give over something at the table, he stammers throughout (he does not, as a rule, stammer at any other time).

What do I do? Do I stop expecting any dvar Torah from him, and just let him be, or do I try and get him to participate at the table? We are constantly working with him, trying to develop his learning, but it's tough going. We are hoping the next z’man, which he will be starting in a new Yeshiva, will help. Any suggestions?

A Concerned Mother.

Rabbi Horowitz Responds

Dear ‘Concerned’:

Upon analysis, there are three diverse and distinct issues that you touched upon in your brief note.

  1. Your son’s passion for music
  2. His lack of success in learning (to this point).
  3. Your question regarding the d’var Torah at the Shabbos table.

I found it quite interesting that you mentioned your son's appreciation for music in the context of your question regarding the reciting of divrei Torah at the Shabbos table. I assume that you were expressing your frustration that he is passionate about his music – but not his learning.

Well, as I see it, passion is a wonderful emotion. Passion is the engine of our neshamos, the fuel that drives our hearts. If fact, the things most people are passionate about – in the spiritual realm or otherwise – are generally part of the hard drive of our innate nature. Nourishing those parts of our souls (provided that these wants and needs are appropriate for a Torah Jew and not harmful to body or soul) makes us healthier, happier and more effective people.

You ought to be pleased that he is passionate about something; anything. I would be much more concerned if you wrote that he doesn’t seem to care about anything at all.

So; my first piece of advice to you would be for you to get your son a musical instrument or music lessons. Honestly. I can virtually assure you that you will have a happier son as a result of your investment. And, in all likelihood, one who is more likely to develop an appreciation for learning as his simchas hachayim increases. I will be addressing the broader issue of hobbies and lack of success in learning in future columns, as the Chicago Community Kollel Parenting Forum received a significant number of questions about these matters.

Shabbos Table

As for your son’s participation at the Shabbos table, I would strongly suggest that you do not ask him to share a dvar Torah with your family at the Shabbos table. Stammering is a clear indication that the individual is under stress. Why would you want to evoke that level of discomfort in your son when he is home relaxing after a long week?

Shabbos tables are not intended to be classrooms. They are, or should be, warm family gatherings. Read through the zemiros of Shabbos. They speak of kedushah and spiritual rejuvenation. They also mention good food and drink, ta’anug and menucha (loosely translated as enjoyment and tranquility). Not sweaty palms and resentment at doing things that are “a big favor” and “a chore”. It would be nice if your son enjoyed delivering a dvar Torah to the family, and the time may come when that will happen. But for now, I give you a resounding vote for just leaving him alone to enjoy the company of his family.

I would also suggest that you review your “mission statement” for the limited amount of time that your son spends with you. (I assume that he is in a dormitory setting, as you noted that he is [only] at home bein hazmanim). Especially if that is the case, you would be well served to see to it that his time at home is enjoyable and nurturing. Spend your time talking … and listening. Prepare his favorite foods. Spoil him a bit.

I would most certainly suggest that you learn with him when he is home for Shabbos – provided that the learning time is enjoyable time spent together. And most certainly not at the Shabbos table, if that makes him uncomfortable. Don’t farher (test) him. Allow him the opportunity to share his successes with you.

I respectfully suggest that you stop “constantly working with him, trying to develop his learning” and spend more time strengthening your bond with him. His Roshei Yeshiva are more than capable of “developing his learning.” Always keep in mind that anyone can teach your son Torah. But he only has two parents. Your relationship with him during these adolescent years is so very critical. Please don’t erode it.

You want him to love learning. Well, leave the learning to his rebbeim. You just take care of the love part.

© 2006 Rabbi Yakov Horowitz, all rights reserved



To sign up for Rabbi Horowitz’s weekly emails, please click here.


Reader's Comments:      Rating & Comments Policy      Rate & Write a Comment!
 Average Rating:       Not Rated Yet
Subscribe to this Article
(by subscribing you will receive email notification
when new comments are posted)
There are no comments yet. Click above to write the first comment.
Dear Readers:

Please visit our Parenting Resource listing to learn about agencies and services that you can make use of. If you know of an agency that can be of assistance to others, kindly drop an email to our site administrator at admin@RabbiHorowitz.com and pass along the information to him.

I ask that you please consider supporting the work we are doing to improve the lives of our children. Click on these links to learn more about our teen and parent mentoring program that serves hundreds of teens and their families, or our KESHER program, now in 20 schools in 4 states. Your financial support can allow us to expand these services and help more children.

If you believe in the governing principles of this website – to help effect positive change through the candid discussions of the real issues we collectively face, please consider becoming a daily, weekly or monthly sponsor of this website and help defray the costs of it’s maintenance.



Working with Families and Educators on Behalf of our Children

This site is managed by The Center for Jewish Family Life, Inc., 56 Briarcliff Drive, Monsey, NY 10952
Project Y.E.S. was founded by Agudath Israel of America
The Center for Jewish Family Life/Project YES - 56 Briarcliff Drive, Monsey, NY 10952 (845) 352-7100 ext. 114 Fax: (845) 352-9593
email: email@kosherjewishparenting.com


Advertisements