Please enable JavaScript in your browser to experience all the custom features of our site.

RabbiHorowitz.com
Please Use Our New Website
still under constructions
to purchase safety books and educational materials
https://thebrightbeginnings.com

Mr. Harry Skydell, Chairman
Mr. Mark Karasick, Vice Chairman
Rabbi Yakov Horowitz, Director
Rabbi Avrohom M. Gluck, Director of Operations
The first 1000 members will have a chance to win a
16 GB
iPod
touch
with Rabbi Horowitz audio

Membership Benefits:

  • Save articles to your favorites folder.
  • Save and print selected articles in a PDF journal.
  • Receive emails containing the latest comments on your favorite articles.
  • Mark articles as "READ".
  • More member features coming soon...

Raffle Rules:

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. To enter, complete the signup form and join as a member. Incomplete entries will be disqualified. All entries shall become the property of CJFL. CJFL is not responsible for lost, misdirected or delayed entries.

The contest is open to the general public. Members need to be at least 18 years old. Identification must be produced on request. Employees of CJFL, its raffle sponsor, advertising and promotional agencies and their respective affiliates and associates and such employees' immediate family members and persons with whom such employees are domiciled are excluded from this raffle. ALL PREVIOUSLY REGISTERED MEMBERS WILL BE AUTOMATICALLY ENTERED INTO THIS RAFFLE. The prize is not redeemable in cash and must be accepted as awarded. Decisions of the raffle judges are final - no substitutions will be available. By claiming the prize, the winner authorizes the use, without additional compensation of his or her name and/or likeness (first initial and last name) and municipality of residence for promotion and/or advertising purposes in any manner and in any medium (including without limitation, radio broadcasts, newspapers and other publications and in television or film releases, slides, videotape, distribution over the internet and picture date storage) which CJFL may deem appropriate. In accepting the prize, the winner, acknowledges that CJFL may not be held liable for any loss, damages or injury associated with accepting or using this prize. CJFL retains the rights, in its absolute and sole discretion, to make substitutions of equivalent kind or approximate value in the event of the unavailability of any prize or component of the prize for any reason whatsoever. This contest is subject to all federal, provincial and municipal laws. CJFL reserves the right to withdraw or terminate this raffle at any time without prior notice. One entry per person.


Bar Mitzvah Guidelines
by Rabbi Yakov Horowitz

  Rated by 19 users   |   Viewed 30076 times since 5/22/09   |   30 Comments
Decrease Font Size Increase Font Size    [ Change Font Size ] Email This Article to a Friend
   

5/22/09

Dear Readers:

To put it mildly, the success rate of instituting simcha guidelines has been less than perfect. Some shuls have pulled it off rather well, but they are the exception rather than the rule, and the wedding “Takanos” announced a few years ago have not been broadly accepted.

Nonetheless, I decided to give it a shot in Yeshiva Darchei Noam, which I founded 13 years ago, and where I serve as Dean – attempting to institute cost-savings and tone-things-down-a-bit in the area of Bar Mitzvah celebrations.

Below, please find 2 letters that I sent to our parent body. They should tell the tale of how this process has evolved thus far. I would greatly appreciate your input and suggestions. Most of all, if there has been a similar effort in your shul or school; please share the successes, failures and the “process” that created the guidelines.

Best wishes for a Gutten Shabbos.

Yakov

Letter #1

29 Nissan 5769

April 23, 2009

Dear Parents of YDN 4th and 5th Graders:

I have considered formulating guidelines for celebrating the Bar Mitzvahs of our talmidim for years now. Given the tough economic climate nowadays, I feel that the time has come for us to consider establishing parameters that will save our parents a significant amount of money, and reduce the unintended-but-inevitable pressure placed on many families to extend themselves beyond their means when planning their Bar Mitzvah celebrations.

It is not my style to unilaterally impose my thinking on others, not do I wish to be placed in the role of policing parents for adherence to unpopular Bar Mitzvah regulations in the years to come. Rather, I would like to lead a collaborative process that will result in the creation of guidelines that will have the broad-based support of our parent body. It is my hope that we will be able to formulate these guidelines over the next few months. Should we not be able to find common ground, I will with regret, drop the idea.

With that in mind, I invite you to attend a special meeting, to be held בע״ה in our yeshiva lunchroom on Sunday, May 10th at 9:15 a.m. to begin the process. I am scheduling the meeting during sefirah and early in the morning, in order to minimize scheduling conflicts. I respectfully ask that we have 100% attendance of all fathers and mothers of 4th and 5th grade talmidim.

At the meeting, I will present a number of diverse models for consideration, and I ask all parents who may have specific ideas or suggestions to email them to Uri or Tzippy Kirschner who have graciously agreed to collect them over the next few weeks. (When exploring the possibilities, please note that Rabbi Rudinsky שליט״א has generously offered our Yeshiva lunchroom for the ביום בו celebration, where classmates and immediate family members can attend – which alone would afford very significant savings.) Uri will make a short presentation sharing with you the feedback he and Tzippy received, and the floor will then be open for a full discussion of the subject. There will be no final decisions made at this initial meeting, but it is my hope that by the end of the meeting, we will have made significant progress in reaching a consensus.

This letter is being mailed to the parents of our 4th and 5th graders, as you are the ones who will be the first to be impacted by any possible guidelines, and to the parents of 6th graders, as they may wish to voluntarily adopt the guidelines, should we successfully reach a consensus. However, since this will be a long-term policy decision for YDN, I am posting this letter in the Noam Shabbos, and inviting all YDN parents who wish to attend, to come and join in the process.

I am looking forward to a productive meeting with you, and, as always, feel free to contact me in Yeshiva at x 100 or by emailing me.

Respectfully,

Rabbi Yakov Horowitz

Dean

cc. YDN Parents of 6th Graders

Letter #2

Dear YDN Parents:

I would like to thank the many parents who took time out of their busy schedules to attend and actively participate in the meeting that was held Sunday morning, May 10th to explore the possibility of developing YDN Bar Mitzvah guidelines. I would especially like to thank Uri and Tzippy Kirschner for collecting input from our parents prior to the meeting, and for sharing a synopsis of the feedback with the attendees.

From my vantage point, the meeting was a great success. Many parents articulated their diverse thoughts on the subject in an extremely productive dialogue. I was also pleased that we were all able to hear and be heard -- and wrap things up by 10:30 sharp, the time frame I announced when we began the meeting at 9:15.

A clear consensus emerged as a result of our discussions and was confirmed by an informal show-of-hands vote when we concluded. Three options were offered; of which the overwhelming consensus was for choice #2:

1) I should work on developing a mandatory set of bar mitzvah guidelines

2) I should formulate several lower-cost non-mandatory options for bar mitzvah celebrations that YDN parents can choose to take advantage of.

3) We should drop the idea of bar mitzvah guidelines altogether.

Additionally, there were several themes that emerged from the discussions:

A) We should concentrate our cost-cutting efforts on the 'bo b'yom' component of the bar mitzvah, as the feeling was that the Shabbos Kiddush will be far more difficult to address in a meaningful manner from a school perspective, as opposed to a shul-based initiative.

B) We should tie our efforts of reducing bar mitzvah costs to some form of school-wide, ongoing chesed project (for example: establishing a YDN fund that our kids can contribute to and purchase tefillin for needy boys, use the money to buy suits for them, or help families in need pay for their children’s bar mitzvah celebrations). the point was made that our talmidim who will be celebrating their bar mitzvos in the more modest format, will then feel good knowing that a portion of the savings went to a worthy cause. Several parents suggested that I construct the chesed project in a manner that will allow our boys a clear image of the trail their tzedakah dollars follow (along the lines of the many YDN tzedaka projects we conducted in past years; sending toys to Gilo, building a Bikur Cholim laptop library, adopting our Gush Katif yeshiva, etc.).

C) Finally, I found it interesting that a few parents asked me to actively "sell" this idea to our parents and talmidim by writing and speaking about it.

All in all, I think it was an excellent meeting and it is a tribute to our wonderful parents that we were able to pull it all together in 75 minutes, and take a few giant steps forward in our effort to create a meaningful set of bar mitzvah guidelines.

As always, please feel free to call me 845-352-7100 x 100 or send me an email should you have any comments, questions or suggestions.

All the best,

Rabbi Yakov Horowitz,

Dean

Just in Time For Chanukah: Shipment of toys from Monsey Yeshiva

Scroll down to article titled "From Monsey with Love"



To sign up for Rabbi Horowitz’s weekly emails, please click here.


Reader's Comments:      Rating & Comments Policy      Rate & Write a Comment!
 Average Rating:              Rated by 19 users    (30 comments)
Subscribe to this Article
(by subscribing you will receive email notification
when new comments are posted)
There are no comments yet. Click above to write the first comment.
Dear Readers:

Please visit our Parenting Resource listing to learn about agencies and services that you can make use of. If you know of an agency that can be of assistance to others, kindly drop an email to our site administrator at admin@RabbiHorowitz.com and pass along the information to him.

I ask that you please consider supporting the work we are doing to improve the lives of our children. Click on these links to learn more about our teen and parent mentoring program that serves hundreds of teens and their families, or our KESHER program, now in 20 schools in 4 states. Your financial support can allow us to expand these services and help more children.

If you believe in the governing principles of this website – to help effect positive change through the candid discussions of the real issues we collectively face, please consider becoming a daily, weekly or monthly sponsor of this website and help defray the costs of it’s maintenance.



Working with Families and Educators on Behalf of our Children

This site is managed by The Center for Jewish Family Life, Inc., 56 Briarcliff Drive, Monsey, NY 10952
Project Y.E.S. was founded by Agudath Israel of America
The Center for Jewish Family Life/Project YES - 56 Briarcliff Drive, Monsey, NY 10952 (845) 352-7100 ext. 114 Fax: (845) 352-9593
email: email@kosherjewishparenting.com


Advertisements