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Your Most Important Conversation
by Rabbi Yakov Horowitz

  Rated by 14 users   |   Viewed 9859 times since 6/20/11   |   14 Comments
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6/20/11

Dear Readers,

In response to dozens of emails from community leaders and parents alike asking us to record the Project YES safety initiative, “Speaking to Your Kids about Personal Safety,” we are pleased to share with you the professional video taping of one of the sessions. It is available in its entirety on http://vimeo.com/25322132.

The danger is so great and the education is so simple.

Studies have found that children who participated in an abuse prevention education program were six to seven times more likely to demonstrate self protective behavior than children who had not. Research on abuse prevention has consistently found that parents can play a critical role in safeguarding their children. This can be done in an effective way that conveys key points about successful protection to even very young children. A knowledgeable approach can be carried out in a manner that will not provoke undue anxiety in your child and can, in fact, strengthen your parent child relationship.

The basic building blocks of an effective child safety program begin with the simple process of sitting with your children and engaging them in conversation assisted by the information you’ve obtained from the video. Keep in mind that talking to children about safety is an ongoing process -- not a single event. A parent child relationship that is characterized by warmth and open communication, where the child knows that there is nothing he can say or do that will lead to the loss of his parents’ love, is probably the most effective means of preventing abuse.

By far education is the best way to keep our children safe. This is something you can do. But, in order for it to be most successful, think of this program as a vaccination. It is most effective when everyone does it together, so please pass this message on to your friends and neighbors.

I look forward to your comments and suggestions.

Yakov Horowitz



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 Average Rating:              Rated by 14 users    (14 comments)
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1.     6/20/11 - 3:07 PM
david

Thank you, Rabbi Horowitz, Was there a summary handout given out by the talks that is available to be downloaded?


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2. Handout     6/20/11 - 11:16 PM
Yakov Horowitz - Monsey NY

Thanks for your interest.

The handout I was working off is here

http://www.rabbihorowitz.com/PYes/ArticleDetails.cfm?Book_ID=934&ThisGroup_ID=346&Type=Article

Hope this is helpful

Yakov


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3. Skilled orator     6/27/11 - 12:00 AM
Anonymous

By far the most dynamic speech ever heard. Points were clearly defined and well-addressed. Extremely crucial information brought forth from an experienced mechanech in this field for years. Kudos to Rabbi Horowitz for bringing this forum to the waiting world. Bracha V'Hatzlach in all your undertakings!


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4. Request     6/28/11 - 1:01 AM
Anonymous

Rabbi Horowitz, can this be put up on youtube since it is easy to view and share with others? Also I'd like to suggest that this should be translated into Yiddish. I am sure many Chassidisha parents would benefit from it.


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5. not practical advice     7/3/11 - 5:56 AM
Leah

Telling very young children (age 3-4) about mom, dad, doctor is silly - what about when you sleep over at an aunt's house and wet the bed? Someone's got to change you...


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6. It's perfect     7/5/11 - 10:29 PM
Yankel - Brooklyn, NY

No need to translate in yiddish for the Chasidishe world. Maybe for people who don't speak English, but that has nothing to do with Chasidish. I'm b"h from a chaisidishe shtieb and I married a chasidishe wife, and we're upbringing our kids in the Chasidishe life. Rabbi Horowitz, It's perfect. Thank you so very much.


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7. Finally     7/8/11 - 10:20 AM
Anonymous - Baltimore, MD

The lack of education in this area has been one of my biggest pet peeves in the last few years. Both professionally and otherwise, I have interacted with many young ladies who have had close family members take advantage of their naivete. I sincerely hope that enough people will see this video, but my fear is that the people who need it the most, and who are perhaps the most naive, will not come across this, and even if so, will not appreciate it for its value.

I was recently speaking to a close friend of mine who is lucky enough never to have interacted with anyone who has been abused. (At least not to her knowledge.)She is the mother of a large family in an insular community and when I recently brought up this issue to her, she brushed it off stating that the few who end up hurt due to lack of education can't warrant "educating" everyone. I tried to explain to her that educating a child how to protect themselves doesn't have to be a breach in tznius, but she wouldn't hear it. She was adamant that it has no place in a Torah true lifestyle, and that if people would just limit their access to internet and non-Jewish books, they'll all turn out ok.

How are we ever supposed to progress in this area if there are still so many people who fear that educating is only going to sully the pure minds of their children?? How are children to know what to protect themselves against, when their parents refuse to protect them?

It's so painful to hear the multiple stories that could've so easily been prevented. (Or at very least, been stopped earlier on.) It's so aggravating to hear my friend assume that if these girls had no access to internet, than they never would've been abused. Most of these girls are/were (some have "gone off" after their experiences) frum Bais Yaakov girls from great families. Many didn't have internet access and in fact it was their lack of exposure and understanding that allowed them to become such easy targets. I'm so grateful that this education is beginning, it's just the first drop in a very large bucket...


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8. Listening together     7/13/11 - 11:38 AM
Rene - New York - renelowy@aol.com

I wanted to have my son listen to Rabbi Horowitz's talk about children and personal safety and realized what a great opportunity I had and suggested we listen together. It encouraged discussion between us. After all, isn't that the best way to approach the subject? It led to questions and comments, a true dialogue, between my son and myself. I was grateful for the opportunity.

Though I am fortunate to have a relationship with my son where he has always been open and communicative, I think for parents who find the topic difficult to broach, this is a wonderful option!


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9. People that think they are above     7/13/11 - 3:19 PM
Victim - Williamsburg

Anyone that thinks it is not for them think again.

Then it means that it is especially for you, because your kids and family won't tell you.

I also thought so years ago.


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10. So simple, so effective!     7/13/11 - 3:42 PM
Sharona - Brooklyn, NY

Rabbi Horowitz, thank you for giving a frame to this difficult but incredibly important conversation. Let's hope that all parents take this to heart, and have the talk with their children (immediately!) to try to put boundaries around this scourge.

Is this talk available as a download? I would love to be able to take it with me, as it were, to show to some of my family who do not have internet access. I believe that seeing your calm, measured delivery would help those parents have the conversation without panic (especially in light of the today's tragedy in Boro Park) more than merely my recounting of what you spoke about.

Again, with all my heart - thank you!

Editor: We will be posting a download of this morning's teleconference on the website soon.


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11. outstanding!     7/19/11 - 7:49 PM
Anonymous

Just watched the presentation, thank you Rabbi Horowitz for such valuable educational material!


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12. With tears in my eyes     7/21/11 - 10:57 AM
Sheri - Owings Mills, MD - sherijberi@comcast.net

I was abused as a child. My Yeshiva did not teach its students about discussing such topics or how to protect ourselves. Your instructions and concepts are simple and beautiful.

You will be a blessing to many. THANK YOU. Sheri


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13. no youtube     3/22/12 - 9:19 AM
Dvora Gamliel - Israel - debgamliel@gmail.com

Here in Israel in the yeshiva world people either do not have internet or use the Nativ filter recommended by rabanim which does not allow access to youtube. The Aish Hatora site has some built-in method which allows people in this situation to view their videos anyway.

Could you arrange that or something similar so that people who are in need of this education can access it?

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