Please enable JavaScript in your browser to experience all the custom features of our site.

RabbiHorowitz.com

Mr. Harry Skydell, Chairman
Mr. Mark Karasick, Vice Chairman
Rabbi Yakov Horowitz, Director
Rabbi Avrohom M. Gluck, Director of Operations
The first 1000 members will have a chance to win a
16 GB
iPod
touch
with Rabbi Horowitz audio

Membership Benefits:

  • Save articles to your favorites folder.
  • Save and print selected articles in a PDF journal.
  • Receive emails containing the latest comments on your favorite articles.
  • Mark articles as "READ".
  • More member features coming soon...

Raffle Rules:

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. To enter, complete the signup form and join as a member. Incomplete entries will be disqualified. All entries shall become the property of CJFL. CJFL is not responsible for lost, misdirected or delayed entries.

The contest is open to the general public. Members need to be at least 18 years old. Identification must be produced on request. Employees of CJFL, its raffle sponsor, advertising and promotional agencies and their respective affiliates and associates and such employees' immediate family members and persons with whom such employees are domiciled are excluded from this raffle. ALL PREVIOUSLY REGISTERED MEMBERS WILL BE AUTOMATICALLY ENTERED INTO THIS RAFFLE. The prize is not redeemable in cash and must be accepted as awarded. Decisions of the raffle judges are final - no substitutions will be available. By claiming the prize, the winner authorizes the use, without additional compensation of his or her name and/or likeness (first initial and last name) and municipality of residence for promotion and/or advertising purposes in any manner and in any medium (including without limitation, radio broadcasts, newspapers and other publications and in television or film releases, slides, videotape, distribution over the internet and picture date storage) which CJFL may deem appropriate. In accepting the prize, the winner, acknowledges that CJFL may not be held liable for any loss, damages or injury associated with accepting or using this prize. CJFL retains the rights, in its absolute and sole discretion, to make substitutions of equivalent kind or approximate value in the event of the unavailability of any prize or component of the prize for any reason whatsoever. This contest is subject to all federal, provincial and municipal laws. CJFL reserves the right to withdraw or terminate this raffle at any time without prior notice. One entry per person.


PARENTING SHORT TAKES - "I Found Something Upsetting in My Daughter's Email"
by Rabbi Yakov Horowitz

  Rated by 7 users   |   Viewed 10297 times since 11/15/12   |   6 Comments
Decrease Font Size Increase Font Size    [ Change Font Size ] Email This Article to a Friend
   

11/15/12

Dear Readers:

This is the first in our experimental "Parenting Short Takes" Series -- where we will try and respond in short form to questions that come to our Project YES office. Please let us know if you find this helpful and feel free to post your comments and questions. Kindly understand that due to time constraints it will not be possible to respond to your questions directly, other than those selected for this format.

I Found Something Upsetting In My Daughter's Email

Dear Rabbi Horowitz:

From time to time, I check my 15-year-old daughter's email account (I figured out her password) just to make sure she is not getting into trouble.

Just yesterday I read that she is making arrangements to meet up with friends this weekend without my knowledge or approval.

How can I discuss this with her without getting into a pitched battle?

Judy

Rabbi Horowitz's response:

The very first thing you ought to be doing is to stop snooping on your daughter. Reading her emails without her permission is an enormous invasion of her privacy.

Teenagers, like adults, feel quite literally violated when they find out this is going on. And, in all likelihood, she will find out one day. And that day will be tomorrow if you have this conversation with her.

There are no guarantees in life, but one can predict with near certainly that should you choose to broach this subject; the entire discussion/argument will be about your snooping, and not about her weekend plans.

Here is another way to look at it: How can you lecture her for meeting her friends behind your back, if you are encroaching on her personal space behind hers?

It is most certainly appropriate for a parent to monitor their children's emails/texts/social media -- but only if you lay out the ground rules in advance. Good fences make good neighbors.

One approach to the inevitable, "Don't you trust me, Mom?" would be to use the analogy of driving a car. Up to a certain age, no driving is permissible. Above a certain age unsupervised driving is OK. The transitional phase is when one can drive with adult supervision.

An added benefit of framing it in these terms is that you are explaining to your daughter that this phase will not last forever, and the time will come when she will need to learn to make good choices on her own.

Your most effective tool in helping guide your daughter through adolescence is a close relationship based on mutual respect and trust.

Trust takes so long to build, and can be completely lost in a moment of betrayal. At this vulnerable time in her life, you just cannot afford to have her trust and faith in you broken.

Yakov Horowitz

Dean, Yeshiva Darchei Noam

Director, Center for Jewish Family Life/Project YES www.kosherjewishparenting.com



To sign up for Rabbi Horowitz’s weekly emails, please click here.


Reader's Comments:      Rating & Comments Policy      Rate & Write a Comment!
 Average Rating:              Rated by 7 users    (6 comments)
Subscribe to this Article
(by subscribing you will receive email notification
when new comments are posted)
There are no comments yet. Click above to write the first comment.
Dear Readers:

Please visit our Parenting Resource listing to learn about agencies and services that you can make use of. If you know of an agency that can be of assistance to others, kindly drop an email to our site administrator at admin@RabbiHorowitz.com and pass along the information to him.

I ask that you please consider supporting the work we are doing to improve the lives of our children. Click on these links to learn more about our teen and parent mentoring program that serves hundreds of teens and their families, or our KESHER program, now in 20 schools in 4 states. Your financial support can allow us to expand these services and help more children.

If you believe in the governing principles of this website – to help effect positive change through the candid discussions of the real issues we collectively face, please consider becoming a daily, weekly or monthly sponsor of this website and help defray the costs of it’s maintenance.



Working with Families and Educators on Behalf of our Children

This site is managed by The Center for Jewish Family Life, Inc., 56 Briarcliff Drive, Monsey, NY 10952
Project Y.E.S. was founded by Agudath Israel of America
The Center for Jewish Family Life/Project YES - 56 Briarcliff Drive, Monsey, NY 10952 (845) 352-7100 ext. 114 Fax: (845) 352-9593
email: email@kosherjewishparenting.com


Advertisements