Please enable JavaScript in your browser to experience all the custom features of our site.

RabbiHorowitz.com
Please Use Our New Website
still under constructions
to purchase safety books and educational materials
https://thebrightbeginnings.com

Mr. Harry Skydell, Chairman
Mr. Mark Karasick, Vice Chairman
Rabbi Yakov Horowitz, Director
Rabbi Avrohom M. Gluck, Director of Operations
The first 1000 members will have a chance to win a
16 GB
iPod
touch
with Rabbi Horowitz audio

Membership Benefits:

  • Save articles to your favorites folder.
  • Save and print selected articles in a PDF journal.
  • Receive emails containing the latest comments on your favorite articles.
  • Mark articles as "READ".
  • More member features coming soon...

Raffle Rules:

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. To enter, complete the signup form and join as a member. Incomplete entries will be disqualified. All entries shall become the property of CJFL. CJFL is not responsible for lost, misdirected or delayed entries.

The contest is open to the general public. Members need to be at least 18 years old. Identification must be produced on request. Employees of CJFL, its raffle sponsor, advertising and promotional agencies and their respective affiliates and associates and such employees' immediate family members and persons with whom such employees are domiciled are excluded from this raffle. ALL PREVIOUSLY REGISTERED MEMBERS WILL BE AUTOMATICALLY ENTERED INTO THIS RAFFLE. The prize is not redeemable in cash and must be accepted as awarded. Decisions of the raffle judges are final - no substitutions will be available. By claiming the prize, the winner authorizes the use, without additional compensation of his or her name and/or likeness (first initial and last name) and municipality of residence for promotion and/or advertising purposes in any manner and in any medium (including without limitation, radio broadcasts, newspapers and other publications and in television or film releases, slides, videotape, distribution over the internet and picture date storage) which CJFL may deem appropriate. In accepting the prize, the winner, acknowledges that CJFL may not be held liable for any loss, damages or injury associated with accepting or using this prize. CJFL retains the rights, in its absolute and sole discretion, to make substitutions of equivalent kind or approximate value in the event of the unavailability of any prize or component of the prize for any reason whatsoever. This contest is subject to all federal, provincial and municipal laws. CJFL reserves the right to withdraw or terminate this raffle at any time without prior notice. One entry per person.


WHATEVER!! – Parenting your adolescent Child - Part 3
by Rabbi Yakov Horowitz

  Rated by 2 users   |   Viewed 8530 times since 9/11/06   |   1 Comment
Decrease Font Size Increase Font Size    [ Change Font Size ] Email This Article to a Friend
   

11/10/06
"Transition"

The first step in effectively raising your teenage children is to recognize that their behavior is not a personal attack. It's not about you. It's about them. It's always about them. Remembering that may help you parent more effectively.

Physiologically, their hormones are raging; spiritually and psychologically, they are in transition between childhood and adult life with all its responsibilities. Their future is unknown: Who are they? Who will they be? How will their relationship with Hashem evolve and develop? Marriage, children and careers loom on the horizon. Despite their tough pose, our teenagers are often very insecure and frightened. It is this insecurity that fuels so many of the behaviors that we find so difficult to deal with.

AN INTERESTING OBSERVATION

It is interesting to note that the Torah, in its eternal wisdom, made allowances for adolescent behavior. Boys before the age of thirteen (twelve for girls) are exempt from all obligations. After age 20, a young man or woman is treated as a fully grown adult in Beis Din (religious court).

During teenage years, from age 13 to age 20, they are obligated to make restitution for all damages incurred and are liable to make good on all their commitments. However, during this phase, they are not responsible for any spiritual transgressions that do not affect other people (bein adam l'makom).

The message seems to be pretty clear. We need to hold teens responsible for damages, lest they wreak unbridled havoc. But, at the same time, Hashem affords them a level of understanding for their adjustment period - or 'temporary insanity'.

And despite the passage of thousands of years, the bookends of this phase have not changed (13-20; exactly the teenage years).


PUSHING OFF


Teenagers often model the independence stage of toddlers - "The Terrible Two's" - breaking away and then running back to make sure we're still there; trying new experiences on their own and coming home to 'refuel'.

What complicates matters is that teenagers often find it difficult to acknowledge their need for our support, love and guidance. It is so critically important for parents to ignore the sometimes irritating behavior of their adolescent children and realize that they need to provide that stability and unconditional love when their teenage children are in need of it.

UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE IN ALL THIS

In your desire for closeness, don't confuse your role. You are not their friend. You must guide them whether they claim to like it or not. Teenagers need rules and structure and they need to be able to look to you for direction.

A leading Rosh Yeshiva shared a beautiful metaphor with me several years ago. He said that he often feels like Yaakov Avinu (see Bereshis 32:24, note the comments of Rashi and others) who stood in middle of a stream and transported his children and possessions from one side of the river to the other.

It's as if our teenagers are standing on one side of a raging river filled with rapids and strong currents. Our job is to help them navigate these treacherous waters and end up safely on the other side. (I always found it interesting that Yaakov Avinu was placed in this role at a time when many of his sons were in their adolescent years.)

NO ONE EVER SAID IT WOULD BE EASY

It is a scary, dangerous, and new territory for both parties. But it is your mission and sacred responsibility to help them with this transitional phase in their lives. No one else can do it for you - or as well as you can.

Their peers are extremely important to them, like a second family. And if forced to choose between the acceptance of their peers and the love of their parents, don't be surprised if they pick the former. But don't for a moment believe that your input doesn't matter. Always remember that if you parent effectively, you still will be, by far, the most powerful force in their lives. You will frame their value system, and give them the moral compass that will guide them through life's travels.

To sign up for Rabbi Horowitz’s weekly emails, please click here.


Related Articles:
WHATEVER!! – Parenting your adolescent Child - Part 1
WHATEVER!! – Parenting your adolescent Child - Part 2
WHATEVER!! – Parenting your adolescent Child - Part 4


Reader's Comments:      Rating & Comments Policy      Rate & Write a Comment!
 Average Rating:              Rated by 2 users    (1 comment)
Subscribe to this Article
(by subscribing you will receive email notification
when new comments are posted)
There are no comments yet. Click above to write the first comment.
Dear Readers:

Please visit our Parenting Resource listing to learn about agencies and services that you can make use of. If you know of an agency that can be of assistance to others, kindly drop an email to our site administrator at admin@RabbiHorowitz.com and pass along the information to him.

I ask that you please consider supporting the work we are doing to improve the lives of our children. Click on these links to learn more about our teen and parent mentoring program that serves hundreds of teens and their families, or our KESHER program, now in 20 schools in 4 states. Your financial support can allow us to expand these services and help more children.

If you believe in the governing principles of this website – to help effect positive change through the candid discussions of the real issues we collectively face, please consider becoming a daily, weekly or monthly sponsor of this website and help defray the costs of it’s maintenance.



Working with Families and Educators on Behalf of our Children

This site is managed by The Center for Jewish Family Life, Inc., 56 Briarcliff Drive, Monsey, NY 10952
Project Y.E.S. was founded by Agudath Israel of America
The Center for Jewish Family Life/Project YES - 56 Briarcliff Drive, Monsey, NY 10952 (845) 352-7100 ext. 114 Fax: (845) 352-9593
email: email@kosherjewishparenting.com


Advertisements