Report this Post

Report this Post

And it suggests that children from homes where children have access to Internet, TV and secular reading material are doing quite well, certainly better than those without it. Yet we know that kids drop out of the M.O. world in droves. Noah Feldman, case in point.

IMO the key is not whether a home does or does not have Internet access. The point of this article is PARENTS ARE CLUELESS, PARENTS ARE NOT INVOLVED, PARENTS DON'T KNOW WHAT THEIR KIDS ARE UP TO.

Report this Post

Report this Post

Report this Post

Report this Post

The illegal drug snorting greatly distresses me. Its bad for your health, and illegal. The underage drinking bothers me too. Drunken teen drivers get into car accidents, and get arrested.

Things being what they are, I suspect that the illegal drug users and drinkers constitute the small minority - we hope. When a scene like this occurs, the best short term solution, is to call the cops, who can start checking IDs, and even arrest the proprietor for illegally serving alcohol - it happens to be a crime. In Nassau County, a whole bunch of 7-Elevent operators have been arrested over the years for selling beer to teenagers.

In the long term, we need drug and alcohol counselling in our schools, and do a better job at teaching respect for the laws of our country. That's what really troubles me, and I'll give three examples of illegal conduct that one of my children told me about:

1. There's a Wal-Mart in the mountains. Some "frum" Jews call it the g'mach. They "buy" goods, like camping equipment and tools, use it for a few days, and then return it.

2. Some tall "frum" boys go into stores, wearing black hats, and steal DVDs by stripping off the plastic, and stacking them inside their hats. Because they're tall, they don't set off the alarms when they walk past the scanners that are supposed to detect these things.

3. A guy who owned an SUV needed a new set of tires. So what did he do? He rented an identical SUV, removed those tires, and replaced them with his old tires.

One time I was in court, and a friendly court reporter, of Italian background, mentschlik, who I've known on and off over the years, started trading "war stories" with me. He didn't know I was frum, and asked me if I knew how old the Chassidic movement was. I answered, only about two hundred-plus years or so. He was surprised I knew that, and I then let it be known that I was orthodox, though obviously not Chassidic. He then asked me why Chassidic Jews believe its permissible to steal from a goy. Except he didn't use the term goy, because he was too polite to say that directly, and embarass me. I didn't deny it, but instead explained that this belief was only held by a small minority, and it was wrong, pure and simple. I said that our leading rabbis have acknowledged the problem, and we're holding lectures and seminars on the importance of honesty in business.

Education and leading by example is key. We need to teach about these issues in the yeshivas, and we adults need to lead by example. Giving our young people an all round diet of sports, exercise, kosher hobbies, and other sensible activities would also help.

None of this is easy, and we humans are frail.

Report this Post

Report this Post

As Dr. AH Fried has written in "Are Our Children Too Worldly", "to different degrees the problem of “children at risk” or “children alienated from, or just cold and indifferent to, Yiddishkeit” exists about equally in every segment of the frum community, from the very chassidic, through the yeshivish, to the Modern Orthodox".

"Yet we know that kids drop out of the M.O. world in droves. Noah Feldman, case in point."

People are probably growing tired of the Noah Feldman article, but I will add on that subject, that I suppose that in one sense, he did Orthodoxy a favor, in getting all segments to address some of the same issues at one time(a sort of unity), although from different perspectives.

For example, in an e-mail group that I subscribe to, there is discussion about Noah Feldman's article going on among MO educators. One veteran educator from this community wrote that "The Times article may be a call for a serious heshbon hanefesh by AMODS. This would be a great theme for a conference".

Report this Post

Report this Post

Report this Post

I learned long ago that my standards are not necessarily other people's standards. What horrifies me, doesn't faze others. What I think is a "must," is not even on some other people's radar.

Report this Post

"When police arrived, they broke up a large party at the house, and arrested five men. The oldest people at the party had supplied the alcohol to the younger party-goers, all summer residents."

http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/news/General+News/9096/
Fallsburg+Cops+Arrest+Five+Boys+At+Party-House.html

Report this Post

Report this Post

perhaps if we started teaching them that the secular world has a list of morals and expectations as well, then perhaps we would have fewer people becoming at risk because the idea of being not-frum no longer looks so attractive, becasue they will still be rejected by the whole world if they do what ever they want. Most of these kids think that they are doing exactly what every other non-frum kid does.

Report this Post

http://www.recordonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070801/NEWS/70731016/-1/NEWS

Report this Post

I think that the frum/yeshivish community is now headed more to the right than ever before.

It just seems that to be considered a "frum, yeshivisha" person you need to conform to the 'new' rules of being stringent in everything and spending every available spare minute learning Torah. While this is certainly commendable and attainable for some and ultimately this is what we should hope for, the feeling of inadequacy and the sense of failure that it engenders in those that can't fully connect with this lifestyle is a great tragedy. The guilt alone will kill someone spiritually and sometimes r"l, physically.

This pressure cooker causes those that are just not cut out for this type of living to feel like a disgrace and a "lo yutzlach".

Most of us live in a secular society and we need to understand that for your average yossi, it is almost impossible to keep the outside world out. We need to figure out a way to help people realize that you can be a good pious Jew without feeling pressured and guilted into trying to be something that you are not. A person need to be able to be a functioning member of the society around him and there is plenty of room for this within the guidelines of our Torah under the guidance of our Gedolim.

I think that this is why chassidus flourished many years ago. The focus was on being 'oved Hashem with simcha' while performing your daily mundane tasks. Not everyone was able to be a malach and that is ok.

Unfortunately, the beauty of yiddishkeit has been hijacked and replaced with an imposter. We need to reclaim it.

Report this Post

http://www.rabbihorowitz.com/PYes/ArticleDetails.cfm?Book_ID=2&ThisGroup_ID=267&Type=Article

Report this Post

When I was in CAMP(!!!) we would often walk off camp-grounds (unnoticed-- is that supervision?!) into town and buy some Pizza. We were pretty good and never tried to do a/thing bad but it just goes to show how great our camp supervision was....

I've long questioned parents of my hs and sem students who feel they can trust their kids and send them alone to the country. The famous argument parents give me is: my kid is (17,18,19.) and they'll get married real soon (hopefully!) and then I won't know where they are 24/7 so what's the difference?! And I always explain that as long as the kids live home you have the achrayus of chinuch and supervision. No, you don't have to be a hawk but you need to prevent perilious situations. As a married adult, hopefully a spouse can also serve as some sort of shomer. Till then, the parent is the shomer.

I began questioning the 'country'. Firstly, from a vacation point of view--- if you bring the whole city with you (in terms of stores and shmutz-- spiritually and asthetically) then what is so Kosher and relaxing about it?!

Report this Post

I hope to write more later on my own blog, but I can say with near certainty that while growing up it would have been impossible for me to find myself in this type of environment. My parents were restrictive, but looking back I wouldn't say overly so (although it seemed like it compared to many of my (public) classmates.

A few examples of what they did to be parents (I hope to be as vigilant and involved, but time will only tell):

1. My parents had high expectations and were involved. From ensuring we were performing up to our abilities in school to being parental volunteers for extracurricular activities, my parents never seemed to view any activity as a way of disengaging from us, ut rather engaging us in our interests.

2. My parents were known to show up randomly where ever we were. If we were going to be hanging out with someone who they did not know, they would call their parents first. It was oftentimes embarrassing for me that my parents would show up at school events or sporting games in the middle, but knowing this was a possibility kept me choosing the right friends.

3. There was no hiding from our parents. While they did not "snoop," they seemd to know every shirt in our closets. I remember once I was wearing a new t-shirt that I bought myself (a rarity since shopping was not an independent activity in our house) and when my father saw it he immediately asked where I got that shirt. Between cell phones and access to money, children have more freedom that most of us can imagine.

It seems to me that too many parents are far too uninvolved. Sending children out with a wad of cash and a cell phone isn't keeping them safe, IMO, it is asking for trouble.

Report this Post

Report this Post

Report this Post

When the kids see the parents being goniffs, how far is it a fall for them to be hanging out and smoking whatever on Motzaei Shabbos?

Report this Post

Report this Post

Report this Post

Re the mountains. Rabbi H, the scene is no different than it was for the last 30 years. i was there 20-25 years ago and saw the fooling around and drugs. I didnt do drugs because my parents and yeshiva instilled the right stuff in my brain. Parents who's children are the equivelant of latch key kids are plain stupid and need to be involved.

In repsonse to mr long beach. Boys and girls as teenagers don't just hang out. the boys most definitley and many girls have one objective and don't fool yourself.

We all need to daven

Report this Post

Rabbi Orlowick frequently uses the mashal of competing businesses; Consider two stores side by side, both offering a product-"lifestyle". One store is us, the parents, offering the Torah way, the other offers "the outside world", the MTV, McDonalds, and "Teen People" lifestyle. Our job as parents and educators, is to "market" our life to our children. (Now, more than ever, it needs to be "marketed" and not "taught". Like it or not, the outside world is here, the ghetto walls have crumbled and a new approach is needed).

Sadly, and overwhelmingly, the parents (and teachers) have failed, The judiasim that is presented to today's kids is rejected, in favor of other lifestyles. In my opinion most of the parents at this point simply don't want to know (I have heard that sentiment voiced a few times). Some (or possibly most) parents have despaired from ever understanding why their children choose to act this way. It is assumed that the pull of the "outside world" is too strong, without giving thought to the weak pull of the their jewish world. To acknowledge failure, is to invite a deep "chesbon hanefefesh" an internal audit into todays "frum" lifestyle, something that most parents cant or wont do. Its easier to just blame the outside world.

Interestingly, many of these kids do not reject yiddishkeit outright, when asked - many of them consider themselves "frum". If one looks at the first generation of "kids at risk" (roughly; "kids at risk" who were in H.S. or graduated, between 1990 and 1995)a majority of these kids have settled into some sort of orthodox lifestyle. Some have returned completely to the Derech of their family, others have chosen a new "derech", but all in all they chose to remain frum, in some capacity. only a minority have left Judiasim completely.

To me, this indicates the center of the problem, its not Woodbourne, or Monticello, or Miami during winter break, these are just the symptom - The illness is a deep rooted apathy towards g-d, the torah and Yiddeshkeit. They reject judiasim as it is presented to them, there are too many contradictions, chumras, or inconsistencies.

Report this Post

AK - the Catskill Mountains are 2-3 hours out of New York City and a large percentage of the Orthodox community in Brooklyn moves up there for the summer.

As for those who link stealing with kids hanging out in unbecoming ways, I don't see a direct connection. It's only if you're going to say that parents who are crooks lack yiras shomayim and have a casual regard towards yiddishkeit, and therefore, their children don't treat yiddishkeit seriously, that it makes sense.

As for those who bash the frum people from Brooklyn, Chasidim in particular (lashon hara?), how does that explain the fallout in the M.O. community? Are the M.O. also stealing?

Report this Post

Report this Post

"For teens who grow up in an atmosphere where there is no TV, sports, possibly no secular reading of any kind,and attempts to ban technology by well meaning adults who don't understand the meaning of a world of instant communications, the above is an attempt to find something to do as a well meaning outlet."

which has nothing to do with M.O. kids and those NCSY reaches out to, as well as numerous Orthodox kids who attend "black hat" yeshivos

Report this Post

is there a reason for that? you betcha. Likely also the underlying reason behind MO at risk youth and cheredi at risk youth is also different. Further there MO have a tendency to make considerable effort to keep at risk youth in the fold without quashing them, cheredim do not. As a result of this you have many frum MO parents and families who are not so commmited to judaism, and form a sort of outside, and I would be most curious to see an objective study of where the MO "at risk" lie, based on their parents standards of "at risk" behavior, just to see how many MO children are actualy going above and beyond the behaviors expected by their parents, and not only using cheredi definitions of "at risk" which could variously include the entire MO population of kids, depending on how you define things.

Report this Post

There's a time bomb!!! That group is loaded with at-risk and risky kids, not to mention the infamous "emancipated" kids who do not live at home.

Does anybody have the guts to handle that?

Report this Post

What I surmise is, chareidi kids have a much stronger background to fall back on, when they choose to return. They grew up with stories of tzaddikim and in an atmosphere, usually, of yiras shomayim. The same cannot be said of M.O. kids, as a general rule.

M.O. have an easier time keeping their kids in the fold since their fold is elastic and full of compromises, by definition. That's what being modern and orthodox is about. If one's values are wishy-washy and compromising, being accepting is not a big deal. Noah Feldman grew up MO and now seeks acceptance in the MO world, along with his non-Jewish wife and kids. He thinks this is compatible with his MO upbringing. But I don't see much of a point in discussing MO on this blog when R' Horowitz does not address this population. As far as I know, his intended audience is "black hat."

Report this Post

MO on the other hand posses such yiras shemayim in droves.

Report this Post

For what it is worth, NCSY offered its services to teens in bungalows in the Catskills. As far as I know, MO teens are not even a distinct minority of the youth who spend their summers in bungalow colonies.

Report this Post

So, nu, we have a lot of work to do. Where should we start?

Report this Post

I feel the competitiveness in learning, the attitude that you are someone if you are a good learner and if not , you are an Am Ha'aretz has to be dealt with in a way that benefits all , the bright students and weak alike. Some educators see their role as raising the next gadol , one thousand come in , and one goes out to be the gadol , all other students merely supporting this agenda. Alfie Kohn writes about cooperative learning as opposed to competition. The Beis hamedrash , havrusas , chaburas are essentially cooperative , Pirkei Avot expounds the virtues of group learning. Kohn talks about the 3 Cs in promoting the love of learning- Cooperation , Choice , and content. The purpose of learning to is do , to teach etc and there is no greater pleasure than being to able to help fellow pupils , rather than be the best in the class, win the prize where there are always losers and discouraged kids. Kids should be consulted , given a choice , participate in the curiculum , how the school is run , feel part of the place , work with the staff as a unit , not the control game I see between staff and kids , us vs them ,if Hashem can consult , why can't teachers and principals? Then , there is content , that lessons should be taught well , interesting and relevant.

Teachers should also have the aim that kids intergrate the learning and values , give something of themselves and make the values theirs. The way to do it , IMHO is to have discussions using svaros , one;s own thinking rather than relying on Psukim and Chazal , later on we can bring proofs beside logic etc Teachers of English literature in a frum school made an observation that the kids had difficulty in expressing their own opinions , thinking themselves and tried instead to associate the story with an Chazal etc. The integration of learning comes when one can express the values without mentioning an Chazal.

The transmission and intergration of values, external and intrinsic motivation has been researched by Deci. http://www.psych.rochester.edu/SDT/ He , I think coined the word - introjection = the transmission of values without them being intergrated and made part of the kid as opposed to intergration of values.

Report this Post

Report this Post

Report this Post

I'm not sure that every single "in pain" kid turns to drugs, alcohol, outright liscientousness (how ever you spell it, I'm too lazy to get a dictionary), don't some of them choose to sublimate their pain using less expansive forms of release? (as in, perhaps only turning to talking to girls, rather than the whole kit and kaboodle?)

Report this Post

Report this Post

YES a rebbe schmozzing with a talmid over a bowl of cholent, with his arm around the kid is something NEEDED TODAY!! Its not just for the ‘at risk kid’ but for ALL kids, no matter what, when and where they are on the ‘yidishkeit’/ ‘frumkeit’ level.

YES, a parent should stop focusing on whether his son gets good grades in gemarah, or can make a ‘layning’ etc. – FIRST and FORMOST in TODAYS society is preserving our YIDISHKEIT. Making being a YID a GESHMAKER ‘thing’ – and that includes some levity and WARM heimishekeit with our kids. STOP demanding and putting ALL EMPHASIS on ‘grades’ and forcing our kids to be ‘studious’ - yes its important, but not the EIKAR in raising our kids to be EHRLICHA YIDDIN, and to LOVE to be a YIDDIN. SING zemiros by the table, stop being so KALT about yidishkeit, make yiddishkeit a WARM geshmake lifestyle!!!

This must start in kindergarden ALL THE WAY THROUGH the child gets married!! NO STOPPING!!!

Report this Post

Report this Post

Report this Post

I'D LIKE TO MAKE TWO POINTS,

I'M NOT MR. YESHIVISH, BUT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING LOOKS TO ME LIKE,

THERE'S A JOGGER JOGING DOWN THE ROAD,

JOGGING AT HIS NORMAL SPEED AND MODE,

A DEEP PIT UP AHEAD, IS A DANGER TO HIM MUST BE SAID,

INSTEAD, LETS TAKE HIM THERE AT ONCE,THROW HIM RIGHT DOWN,

RATHER OF HIM HAVING THE CHANCE OF GOING AROUND,

WOULD THERE BE ANY TRUTH TO THIS LITTLE STORY ,

ABSOLUTELY NOT ITS CRAZY AND GORY,

IF PUTTING THEM TOGETHER SEEMS ALRIGHT,

I THINK YOO'RE DREAMING IN MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT,

IT'S ABSOLUTLEY, ASSUR M'DEORAISA,

TO PUT SOMEONE IN A SITUATION, WHERE IT CAN END, NOT SO NICEA,

2.GUYS WILL NOT TALK TO GIRLS IF THAT'S AS FAR AS IT'S GONNA GO.... FACT!!!

GO LEARN SOME SHARAI TESHUVA,BECAUSE YOU'VE SINNED.

Report this Post

Report this Post

"It is forbidden for a man to joke with [them] or to get lightheaded; even to smell their perfume or to gaze at their beauty is forbidden.... One who gazes even at the little finger of a woman [who is forbidden to him] in order to get pleasure from [the sight] is considered as one who gazed at her [most private] place .... and this is forbidden."

Report this Post

Report this Post

What practical difference is the nature of the isur if it's asur regardless? (though I don't expect you to answer since you're "done" (maybe for real this time))

True, we need to educate them properly and I agree, entertainment is not where it's at.

Report this Post

I suggest the solution is for the adult to not just drop the girls off, but go along with them and stand in the corner someplace. His/her presence alone would be enough to avoid so much of the problem.

Report this Post

Report this Post

Report this Post

Report this Post

Report this Post

http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/news/General+News/9834/ Rabbi+Eli+Teitelbaum:+A+Kosher+Alternative+(

Report this Post

here is the article:

*A Kosher Alternative* By Rabbi Eli Teitelbaum

Many people are in total shock at some of the goings on in the Catskills this summer. I will not go into the details. Suffice it to say that hundreds of our teenagers – boys and girls – were enticed to engage in activities that are far from what their parents and teachers consider acceptable, and far from what we have a right to expect from Yeshiva and Bais Yaakov products. While there are many reasons for it and no easy or simple solutions, we must be very careful not to add to the problem by forbidding everything without providing a satisfactory kosher replacement. The *Yetzer Ho*ra of today is not the one of yesterday or the one our grandparents had to deal with. Today we have television, movies, CDs, DVD's, Internet, videos, certain type cell phones, and music that are extremely attractive and contain more filth than ever before. They are everywhere and they can easily be brought into our homes without detection. Their influence and message is so powerful and seductive that they have penetrated even the best homes. We are dealing with a mighty foe whose magnetic power of attraction is difficult to resist. Saying "No" doesn't always work. Unless we provide our children with a kosher alternative to it all, we are asking for trouble.

While in the past, summer camps may have been considered a luxury and kids could be kept in the city, nowadays camps are a lifesaver. Most summer camps provide kids with a kosher outlet for their pent up energies with a balanced program of learning and sports. There is Color War and BOG. There are hikes and trips. Children are kept so busy that they don't have the time or desire to look for non-kosher means of entertainment.

Many years ago, Pirchei Agudas Yisroel used to organize trips to Washington, Baltimore, and Toronto. *Motzoei* Shabbos there was learning along with game nights, and concerts. There was the famous Pirchei Choir that put out beautiful records and tapes that brought countless hours of delightful * Jewish* entertainment into thousands of homes. This was all done in order to keep children busy during their free time so they shouldn't have to go looking elsewhere. It was important to show children at a very early age that the Torah is not just restrictions, but that Shabbos as well as the rest of the week can be a time of constructive joy and pleasure. Happy laughter and family voices in the home will keep more kids off the streets at night than the strictest curfew.

I still remember when the Pirchei Agudas Yisrael put on a play and concert more than forty years ago in Montauk Junior High School. ( The play was based on the book Family Aguilar. ) There were some who tried to convince the *rabbonim* to put a ban on it. Since I was the president of Pirchei at the time, Rabbi Moshe Sherer z.l, asked me to go down to the venerable *gaon hador*, Rabbi Moshe Fienstien z.t.l., to get his halachic opinion. Not only did he not ban it, but he gave it his blessings. He understood only too well the importance of giving the boys a kosher alternative; otherwise they would soon find their pleasures elsewhere. One must be very careful before imposing restrictions. "Restrict everything and everything becomes permitted," is what my father z.t.l. once said. When some tried to ban the Miami Boys Choir Concert in N.Y. and tried to get Rabbi Pam z.t.l.s'signature as well as that of the Mirer Rosh Yeshiva to ban it, they both refused to sign.

A number of years ago, Rabbi Motty Katz of JEP and I organized a Chanuka trip to Washington on the two days that yeshivas give off for Chanuka vacation. Thanks to Mr. Yisroel Lefkowitz and others who helped subsidize part of the trip, we were able to charge only $20, which included an overnight stay in a nice motel. We were only able to take along 100 boys even though many more boys wanted to come along. I received a very nasty letter in the mail from a prominent rosh yeshiva accusing me of causing * bitul* Torah and admonishing me for organizing the trip. I very respectfully replied that it wasn't I who was causing any *bittul* Torah but rather the yeshivas that gave the kids off for two days without providing them with something positive to do. I told him that if he wanted, I would show him where some of his students are hanging out during this time. I never received a reply.

I give great credit to the Mirer Yeshivah in Yerushalayim that has realized the great problem of what happens when their *bocurim* have nothing to do during *bein hazmanim.* The yeshiva organizes trips at subsidized prices which take their *talmidim* around Eretz Yisroel. If only other yeshivas would follow their example, many tragedies would be avoided.

When sports and concerts are forbidden, and all forms of kosher entertainment are off limits, we are asking for trouble. If our kids can't find a place to vent their energy within a kosher environment, then they will find it elsewhere. In a time of war even the Torah itself permitted one to marry a captive non-Jewish girl under certain conditions. *Chazal*explain the logic behind this law. The Torah understood that a person is only human and therefore in this instance, while fighting a war, it gave him some leeway. The Gemora tells us that for everything the Torah forbade it gave us something similar that was permitted. Today's war with the *Yetzer Horah* is far greater than ever before.

But in every generation we have the likes of Doeg and Achitofel who misled great people such as Shaul and Avshalom with falsehoods and lies that caused them to try to kill Dovid. Doeg even succeeded in getting Shaul to kill all the *Kohanim* in the city of Nov. This shows how falsehoods can be spread, how easily they are believed, and the terrible damage that can result. Even the greatest of the great are vulnerable to such camouflaged slander and can be misled by advisors they trust. Just turn to Shmuel II chapter 16 and read the story of how Dovid who knew better than anyone else of the great dangers of an evil tongue was himself taken in by Tziva who fabricated a false story about Mefiboshes. If even the greatest of the great can be misled, then we'd all better be very careful and constantly on our guard least we too fall into the same trap.

Things haven't changed much since ancient times. Today, too, we have self proclaimed agitators and charlatans who have nothing to do with their time but to go around to our leading Torah sages and try to convince them that separate-seating concerts are a threat to our *Yiddishkeit* and to ban them. They falsely claim that there is *pritzus* in the hallways plus other fabrications. Exaggeration is a blood relative to falsehood, and almost as bad. A gossip is one who can give you all the details without knowing all the facts. Unfortunately, they often succeed in their mission. All it took was one Korach to convince the 250 heads of Sanhedrin of the holiness and purity of his mission.

Some have organized special activities and places for these "at risk kids" to get together under proper supervision, but this is not the real solution. The problem must be addressed long before young people reach the "at risk" stage. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. If the money we spent on rehabilitation where to be spent on prevention, we'd get far more for our money, and fewer people who need intensive intervention

It must be clearly noted that despite all that was said, one is required to follow the ruling of our sages even when they say "Right is left and left is right." Nowadays when there is no Sanhedrin, one must seek a leading *posek*and follow his ruling on all matters and not go " *posek* hopping." This applies not only in the above case but in all other areas as well. There are some disagreements among our leading *poskim* in * Hilchos* Shabbos which can be an *isur sekilah*. One can't pick and choose stringencies from one or leniencies from another. (Gemora ) The Agudas Yisroel follows the ruling of the Moetzes Gedolai HaTorah. Others can decide on their *posek* whom they wish to follow. But whoever it is, the *p'sak*must be followed even if it hurts.

Yes, there are legitimate concerns that must be addressed in order to make sure that concerts are conducted in a true Yiddish atmosphere and flavor. Performers should not be Jewish rock or rap singers and the music should not imitate today's street hip-hop culture as some performers unfortunately do. Sadly, I've gone to *frum* weddings where the music and dancing felt like one was in a discothèque with only the flashing lights missing. Roshei yeshivas and rabbonim danced in the middle of the circle having no idea as what type of music they were dancing to. I hope no one is going to ban music at weddings because of this, but rather the *m'sader kidushin* or rabbonim should meet with the band leaders as well as the *mechutonim* to rectify this outrage. Serious concerns must be discussed between the concert organizers and *rabbonim *beforehand. Instead of seeking to ban these concerts, we must make sure that they are a *kiddush Shem Shomayim*. Music has a powerful effect upon the listener and we must ensure that it follows in the footsteps and style of Dovid Hamelech the "*n'im zemiros Yisroel*," to whose words our music is often put.

We definitely need our *gedolim* to guide us, and if we come to them with sincere requests to teach us to run activities *al pi* Torah, they would respond wisely and constructively. We should no longer leave the field open to those few agitators and connivers who choose to deprive our young people of positive outlets. For if we close the doors to that which is permitted, they'll unfortunately, soon find other places to fill the void!

Report this Post

Report this Post

Report this Post

A number of years ago I heard R' Nosson Kamenetzky speak. He explained the background of the ban on his book "Making of a Gadol," and he too pointed the finger at the agitators and trouble-makers who got the gadol to sign to a ban under false pretenses.

Report this Post

Report this Post

It is often difficult to keep allowing unscreened comments, as things can get nasty. However, I think that my policy of allowing open discussion is the way to go.

I hope i can keep that moving forward.

I actually wrote a short column on my feelings re: open comments on my site.

here is the link:

http://www.rabbihorowitz.com/PYes/ArticleDetails.cfm?Book_ID=769&ThisGroup_ID=238&Type=Article

gut shabbos

YH

Report this Post

They want love. Be honest with them about their hormonal chemical makeup that Hashem gave them for when they are married. Answer their questions and be willing to make a healthy relationship with these teens with open comunications and don't ever bash a person down for their feelings. They are entitled to their feelings. If you realy want to make a change set up training opertunities with clean guided parties due to the childs efforts and completion in the guided training and activities that they achieve. Help them be acheivers. Stop waisting money on empty now enjoyment which lasts for the moment. Your money would be better put if you used towards something the child could work to acheive and then be rewarded with his efforts. Real Joy.