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Just because a person is in a high position the basic rules of morality and decency don't change. The laws that pertain to the "regular" guys pertain to them as well. No one is above the law, and if anyone breaks the law, they have to face the consequences that their choices lead to.

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You are right to counsel that parents should stress family values. The only think to do is be good role models, stress proper values, and THEN pray to Hashem that our children should listen and learn.

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Rav Horowitz - your timely article can be part of a discussion on this week's parasha. from http://iawaken.org Leaders Sin Too Parshat Vayikra 5768

© Rabbi David Lapin, 2008

The Inevitability of Leadership Sin

Leaders make mistakes; they sin. This is an inevitable (although not excusable) reality of leadership. Leadership greatness is not defined by the absence of error or sin, it is defined by the way Leaders manage their errors. I am not talking about leaders' personal lives: in that their sinning is no different from anyone else's. It is not inevitable that a Governor should engage in prostitution. I am referring to the inevitability of errors of judgment in the day-to-day business of leading organizations and nations.

The Parsha lists a number of Korbanot (sacrifices) to be brought as a consequence of an unintentional sin. Cases are given for a Kohein Gadol (High Priest) who sins, a national sin, the sin of a Nasi (Prince of a Tribe) and an individual. In all cases but one, the case is introduced with "if an individual (or high priest, or the nation etc) should sin.." The exception is the Nasi about which it says (4:22) Asher Nasi yechetah - "When a Nasi sins". For a leader it is when he sins, not if he sins. The Ramban and the Rashbam read nothing specific into this different usage of language for the Nasi, but the Seforno and Rashi do.

The Seforno comments on the fact that it is common for leaders to sin because of the sense of complacency, power, and ultimately arrogance and invincibility that they begin to feel. It is possible however that leadership error and sin is not only a consequence of the negative midot (character traits) that they sometimes develop in office, but an inevitable consequence of their jobs. "There is no man that does good and sinneth not": it is easy to remain free from sin when a person is not engaged in doing good. However, purity that results from disengagement is not the purity the Torah seeks from us. It is when we engage in the world in a quest to do good, that we run greater risks of sin. That is not a reason to shy away from engagement and doing good, it is merely a reason to monitor our actions while we engage and quickly correct them when we err. This is why, as Chazal tell us, Teshuva (repentance) was created before the world. G-d built the world as a place in which man can engage to do chessed (kindness), but in the engagement of building the world and doing kindness, sin would inevitably result: Teshuva is the antidote that G-d prepared even before He created the opportunity for sin.

Leadership Accountability for Sin

Rashi's angle is a little different from that of the Seforno. Rashi sees in the word "Asher" (when) the word "Ashrei" (fortunate): Fortunate is the generation whose leaders recognize their (inevitable) mistakes, correct them and atone for them - how much more so do they show remorse for deliberate wrongdoing. Rashi sees the good fortune of a generation not in a leader who does not sin, that would be a leader who does not do good either. Rashi sees a generation's good fortune manifested in the way their leaders handle their sins when they become aware of them. This is the very core of accountability. Shaul lost his kingdom because he tried to escape responsibility for his mistakes and to make himself out as a victim of circumstance. David, who did something possibly much more serious, retains his kingdom and grows his stature because he took responsibility and declares "Chatati " - I have sinned.

When something goes wrong in an organization, great leaders are quick to take responsibility just as they take credit for good results in the organization. Leaders create the environment in which both good and bad things happen. They should be given some of the credit for positive outcome and take part of the responsibility for the negative.

Accountability follows the regular Teshuva process: Viduy (verbal admission), Charata (remorse) and Kabbalah le'habbah (taking steps to avoid repetition in the future). Great leaders follow each of those steps:

They articulate what has gone wrong and accept personal responsibility for it. They demonstrate deep and genuine remorse; they apologize and take corrective action. They outline the steps they have taken to prevent the same thing happening again in the future. President Kennedy did that after The Bay of Pigs and turned a disaster early in his presidency into positioning himself as a great leader. Other presidents (in the USA and leaders elsewhere including Israel) subsequently, in an attempt to avoid accountability, have destroyed their own integrity and damaged their office and the nation. Asher Nasi yechetah: Fortunate is the nation whose leaders are accountable.

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1 – The “talk” that parents need to have with children to present important information. This issue is sensitive, is not the topic of this article and thread, and is very delicate considering the various ages and temperaments of children.

2 – The faith we are expected to have in our leadership is challenged. How can that be restored?

3 – The issues of morality in general becoming those that are alluring enough to trap people of stature.

4 – If even such people can be snared by these issues, what about us? Does that put us at risk?

5 – While we cannot change the past, what can we do about the future?

6 – Is morality that hard to find? (I shuddered when I typed that sentence.)

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I would have liked to see a mention of G-d in this discussion. Why should anyone establish boundaries if not because G-d gave us 613 mitzvos and gave non-Jews 7 mitzvos and we have to ensure that we do G-d's will?

In this particular case, Spitzer, a Jew, is married to a non-Jew and has sired goyim for children. That already is a violation of a Torah prohibition. Why are his extra-marital activities more troubling to us, as religious Jews, than that? Is it simply because secular law made what he did illegal? And if he had extra-marital affairs that were not illegal, then what?

I think that the fact that Spitzer is a Jew complicates the discussion. For with a non-Jew, like Guiliani and Clinton, the only prohibition in such situations would involve a married woman who is not their wife, for that would be adultery (or closely related-incest). If she was not married (or closely related), it's another story. Unpleasant. Unbefitting a represenative of the people. But not a sin or a crime.

Nevertheless, I liked your article.

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I heard a nice explanation recently for the reason why z'nus is prohibited - because G-d wants people to be dependent on one another. Fathers should know who their children are. Mothers should know who their child's father is. Society should know who the fathers are. Fathers should become close to and support their children, and the mothers of their children. When you have an act of z'nus, you lose all that. Children grow up without fathers. Children become the wards of the state.

When a man commits adultery, he is adulterating, or poisoning or diluting his relationship with his wife and children, and ultimately with G-d Himself.

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It's certainly true that sex, money and power have great attraction, but I think that the root problem isn't ta'avah but GA'AVAH. after all, everyone wants the big three mentioned above, but most of us are restrained by law (secular and religious), tradition, caution and embrassment. It takes an ego as big as all outdoors to believe that one is so important and one's cause is so vital that law and tradition do not apply to them, and when someone feels so entitled then shame goes as well. After all, "I'm the Governor!" "I'm the Rebbe!" "I'm important man in the community!" "I'm supporting yeshivas!" etc.

The lesson to be taught here is that we must learn to make a distinction between what we do and who we are. We may be the President, the Governor, the Rebbe, or the Askan, but that's just our job, what we do! Who we are, who we really are, are just people who serve HaShem and follow His Torah. People who try to do right as G-d gives us the light to see the right.

Everyone knows the stories about the Navarodok yeshiva. How the bachurim were given tasks that might have appeared to be silly and embarassing, like trying to buy milk in the hardware store. The point of the excercise was to break down the egos of the bachurim, To make them understand that they had little importance themselves, but their role in life, lilmod ulelameid, lishmor v'laasos, that was the iportant thing. Moshe Rabbeinu is the paradigm not only for manhegei Yisroel but for all of us. Moshe had the most important job in the world, but even a cursory reading of Chumash show that, at bottom, he didn't think of himself as "Moshe Rabbeinu" but as just Moshe ben Amram, Jew.

I think we all need to go to Home Depot and try to buy a quart of milk once in a while.

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I know this isn't a blog about politics. But this is a blog about parenting and role-modeling for our children. What gripped me the most was the hypocrisy so blatantly exhibited. What Clinton and Giulianni did was unfortunate enough (incidentally, Giulianni's wife is Jewish, but that's a separate issue). Whether Spitzer is immoral or addicted is a question, but to me it looks like a wake-up call for some of us to look at the hypocrisy issue (white shirts and money-laundering, for example. Passing judgement and reprimanding others for talking lashon hara. Etc.).

Many teens know the score, but the issue they'll catch us on every time is hypocrisy. Hashem means all of us to learn something from everything that crosses our paths (media-wise or otherwise). And that certainly is an important reminder for me.

"Interesting because my son--barely 10--asked me what our governor had done" You probably know the joke about the little boy who came home from school and asked his mother where he comes from. The mother goes through contortions trying to find the most kosher way possible to explain this to her son. After sweating her way through, she asks her son why he wanted to know. He cheerfully responded, "Oh, because Joey told me he was from Chicago, so I wanted to know where I came from." For the younger kids: Spitzer could possibly be tried for things like money-laundering and other things, and that IS an honest answer!

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But it reminded me of Yonah Hanavi's predicament. He did not want to tell Ninveh to do Tshuvah because this would make the Yiddin look bad. The Yiddin who he could not get to do Tshuvah.

The Goyim will not tolerate hypocrisy and lies and sexual misconduct. No coverups, no allowances for "important people who have done so much good."

Unfortunately, our kids could easily ask us, why when a rabbi does this is it ok?

So many rabbis have gotten away for years with molesting children. At least what the governor did was not hurting a child. But our community tolerates tremendous sins. Even now, there are rabbis who are protecting Mondrowitz, trying to stop his extradition.

And in Yeshivas Torah Tmima, and Ner Yisroel, and Yeshivah of Brooklyn, and the Gerrer Mesivta, the Rabbis cover up and protect the molesters and not the children.

And of course, our community looks the other way when Rebbes are arrested by Federal Agents for money laundering. "Everyone does it." "They are antisemites." "It wasn't for himself, it was for his Torah institution."

Hashem cannot be happy about the Jews compared to the Goyim right now. If only we had someone like Yonah to help us change....

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We sincerely appreciate the expert, Torah-oriented advice of our distinguished host and the other participants on this and other issues. The advice is very helpful to us, personally and in guiding our precious children.

One very significant recent event (I believe) has not been discussed at this Web site: the murder of eight young men -- HASHEM Yinkom Damam -- while they were learning Torah in a Yeshiva in Yerushalayim, Erev Rosh Chodesh Adar II. A very shocking event!

May we ask Rav Horowitz SHLIT"A to open a new thread and provide expert Torah guidance on this very serious matter?

Yasher Kochachem!

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post your thoughts in the form of a queston, and time permitting (my school dinner is in 13 days), i will respond this week in my chicago kollel Q&A column

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How in the world is a child to return to the Gemarah or Mishneyos after talking about the unspeakable? This will cripple the child, it will unleash a torent of other thoughts relating to sexuality?

Once the cat is out of the bag who is to say what other thought or ideas will enter the mind of our children, that we will not have the perfect control over.

Success at raising our children means, to raise them in a vacum. Air tight. A few hours before the Chuppa, is ample time to communicate to our children the minute details of the mitzvah of procreation(prue urvue). And It is far better to have a respectable member of the community do this kind of work. It is not the place of the parent!

As children reach puberty, the correct approach is to, yes, encourage the child to say more Tehilim, or to put all his focus and energy in to the study of Torah. and the Torah is sure to keep any animalistic, wild, unruly instincts at bay.

At a loss what to tell your child? At a loss? Really? No clue? What did your parents tell you?

Here is what you tell them. Very simple. Don't think about schtussim, I am not going to talk about this garbage, this is what man looks like without the Torah, think about better things, it is a boring topic, you are getting ahead of your self, hold your horses, if you bring this up one more time I will crush your knee caps! Just some obvious ways to respond to you dear child.

Physical violence on the child, is thee most effective way, especially when it comes to Keddusha unyanim. These are grave matters of Keddusha??!! Remember the language that everybody understands!

It is also very important that you get to the bottom of which kid talked to your child about this schmutzz! See to it, that the kid with these filthy thoughts gets removed from the yeshiva with out delay, as well as guarenteeing that this brutish uncouth child, does not gain entry in to any other makom Torah, and infect the minds of our brothers children, with his virulent, demonic ideas. To the parents, to the Mechanchim that take the approach of the Goyim. STOP. If you continue down this road, soon enough you will be advocating condoms, condoms be distributed to our tinoykes shel beis rabbon And yes, they will take the condoms and they will go to the Lipa concert and they will invite girls in to the bathroom stalls and they will copulate. Hashem yishmoorrrr.

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Recently a parent had an issue with an eight year old son and asked me what to read about how to talk to your kids about sex. A short perusal on Amazon.com showed me litteraly a hundred books on the subject. I recommended a few that sounded good especially one that asked the parents to explore their own feelings.

Help is available. How do we get parents to get some?

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There is no one size fits all regarding maturity. Parents need to be educated in how to provide information to their children and when to do so. I strongly feel that there is a “hiskatnus hadoros” in that we live in an age where the western societies that surround us have lowered morality and consider these affairs worthy of public discussion and exposure. I have often risked turning on the radio to hear a weather forecast, only to have to jump and shut it because of the material being broadcast – whether commercials or news stories being totally unfit for the listening audience (including me).

The notion of vacuum packing our children until the few moments before their weddings sounds altruistic, but it certainly has no place in reality. I have the only key to my mailbox, and catalogues that are not for my teenage bochurim to see are banned from entry into my home. We can do only so much. Children will learn more than we think from sources that make us unhappy. Our strategies to prepare them with responsible information must adapt so that we can maintain the necessary kedusha in this sensitive topic. I also shudder at the thought of delegating this to anyone else besides a parent except in special situations. Most of these “respectable members of the community” are less likely to be tuned into the nuances of the individual boy or girl. Also, the sharing of this information needs to happen at younger ages when adult bonding outside the home is not the norm.

I must admit that the suggestion of addressing this inyan with physical violence almost brought my lunch back up. It is not just a move back to the dark ages, totally ignorant of the children of today, but it smacks (pun intended) of cruelty in rendering this inyan one devoid of chashivus. It is true that violations in this regard are often referred to as “tum’ah”. How can we forget that the positive expressions of this are called “kedusha”? Should we pair this with physical pain? Much is said by the Rambam, Ramban, and many others about this sensory modality being one of kedusha and positive value if guided properly. They shunned the approach of the Catholic church for their teaching that this was dirty. Shouldn’t we take their guidance and present this differently?

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I believe David #15 was being facetious. I don't think he meant for to take his suggestions literally.

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What a dysfunctional home he will be starting with the small amount of information he would have hurriedly learnt.

Can anyone seriously believe that children should be raised in such a vacuum? Maybe each child should be placed in a plastic bubble with an oxygen tube and an audio control that only a parent or mechanech can manipulate. The parent can then deliver the child to the Yeshiva where he can be fed his daily dose of learning and then can be delivered back to the home where he can be safe from the outside world. When he is old enough he can be brought to his wedding and a few hours before his chupah his bubble can be burst with all this new and scary information.

There was once a joke going around which doesn't seem so funny any more. It went something like "Did you ever wonder why you need a license to drive, to marry even to fish, but anyone can have a kid?".

Seriously though, when you take things to the extreme of this post, what you wind up with is kids that are incapable of living in the reality of daily life in the normal world. Because although their homes might be as squeaky clean and free from reality as possible, that is not what is happening around them in the real world where their friends live, where their cousins live and where their future wives and husbands live. One does not have to go overboard and offer information that a child does not ask for or that a child is not capable of understanding. But trying to shield a child from everything that is normal in even a Jewish marriage and home is utterly ridiculous and damaging to their own mental and emotional well being.

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Here is the way I would phrase the question regarding the 8 korbonos of Harav Kook's Yeshiva.

We all know the terrible churban that took place last week in the Yeshiva in Yerushalayim where 8 precious neshomos were taken. We also know, as was detailed in the Hamodia, that these boys were of the special few who chose to take a few minutes to learn while others were preparing for the Rosh Chodesh Seudah. Obviously they were really special. How can I explain and respond to my children when they ask why Hashem has punished these young innocent bachurim who were the "cream of the crop" and were doing the right thing? What is going on in Eretz Yisroel, in Sderot and Ashkelon etc.. is very frightening to young kids, especially when young children are suffering so much. How can we explain the right Hashkafah to children who are questioning Hashem's ways?

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Yasher Koach for speaking the emes as we would have heard it from our fathers and rebbes. Too often do we hear divrei minus and kfira even on so called orthodox sites. Thank you Dovid for mamash getting to the core issue and hammering it home. I printed it out and showed it to my chevrah in Kolell and everybody had gevavaldik hanoah. Zei gezunt vyirbu komocho byisroel.

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I, of course agree and back you up about the need for everyone to be careful what we say here. Everyone should probably consult "daas torah" before offering any opinions. Really, who are we to say? Next we'll be trying to think for ourselves, chas'vshalom, which can only lead to terrible takalas. Lipa concerts, sheitel face-models, mixed seating on Monsey buses, if Hillary becomes president, like we all want because she is for giving more money for yeshiva programs, will they put her picture in Hamodia??? And there in black and white in the NY Times are people questioning the gedolim on signing a ban. Questioning gedolim! Rachmana Litzlan! This is exactly what leads to out of control leitzanus, znus, avodah zara, chilul shabbos, and even, lo aleinu to mixed dancing. And this wasn't just any ban they are questioning. Rav Lipa margois signed it. The head of the biggest and best yeshivah in all of Brooklyn, where they have Yam Hatalmud. Where they have Reb Shlomo Feivel Shustal's shiur. Where they have the highest percent acceptance rate into Brisk. It is clearly the yeshivah which is looking out for the welfare of the children and future doros of Klal Yisroel. And this man's signature they question? Look what's happening in Eretz Yisroel. This for sure did not come about from listening to daas torah! Rav Shachter says we should assasinate the prime minister, and Rav Dan Segol says we should give up the state of israel until mashiach. But nobody is listening! We all just continue to blog without paying any regard to "daas torah". Vos vet zeyn mit de kinder?????!!! I'm afraid the whole blog is against daas torah. I think maybe even what I just posted might be against daas torah. What a mess....

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FYI, the following is an e-mail message I sent to Rav Horowitz yesterday morning:

LiChvod HaRav Horowitz SHLIT"A: As a leading Torah educator who regularly provides very helpful expert advice to parents, could the Rav please comment on the significance of the recent tragic murder of eight young men -- HASHEM Yinkom Damam -- while they were learning Torah in a Yeshiva in Yerushalayim on Erev Rosh Chodesh Adar II. As we learned, "MiSheNichnas Adar Marbim BeSimchah." Evidently, the Ribono Shel Olam was disturbing our Simchah with an urgent message. What was His message? How should we and our children respond? Yasher Kochachem. BeChavod Rav

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I received the following answer and explanation. The boundaries between seriousness and comedy are not always clear and concise. It is too easy to mistake a joke for a potentially serious message. There are several reasons for this. Those who analyze humor actually categorize different forms of it. One of the elements is the obliteration or at least dulling of boundaries and limits. Another is the mockery of people, ideas, and norms. With boundaries not functioning well, it is possible that the humor will have an impression on the listener and communicate messages that one would normally consider unfit. By packaging negativity in an enjoyable form, it can be more easily accepted and ingested. This is known in sifrei mussar and kabalah as “klipas amalek”, the shell or peel of Amalek, which is leitzonus. In these seforim, there is ample and complex discussion of the need to use that energy for a Torah goal, essentially employing it for avodas Hashem. This, in turn, depletes Amalek from using this force to achieve the missions of the Yetzer Horoh. The intention of this post is not to provide a shuir on this topic. Others are far more capable and versed to do this. I am addressing an issue that has arisen in this thread.

I was outraged by post #15, and feel similarly about post #23 and parts of #24. The trouble is, as noted by Steve in #19 that this is all being said in jest. This sarcasm is exactly the type of leitzonus (if it was indeed intended to be such) that is the violation of the dictates against it, as it is easily mistaken for someone being serious. If it was not intended as leitzonus, it is simply anti-spiritual and flagrantly against Torah. Fortunately, I am not the webmaster, because I would have removed it. Too many of our gedolei hadoros, yes, even past generations, have spoken out against the very issues being lauded. Inasmuch as Purim is approaching, we can easily let our guard down, and accept such humor as okay. Would we speak this way on Yom Kippur? If not intended as humor, someone is serious trouble.

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Why were comments removed from the lipa discussion which seemed overzealousness on your part, but this leitzanus allowed to remain here?

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if the best of the best are taken from us, then the message some of us are getting is that it doesn't pay to be the best

mediocrity is the way to remain alive

you know, all those obituaries (not just about the massacre but also about sick people who die young or those in accidents) are about tzadikim and tzidkaniyos ...

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Purim is in the air, and there is a mood of levity, but there is no room anywhere for joking about life-devastating issues about child abuse, molestation, or any victim of circumstance etc. For the sake of myself, and other like minded readers, please post your comments tastefully. If you would take the 'leitzanus' out of it, and come up with a well-written essay, it would be much more palatable.

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How do we explain to our children why the Governor was removed from office if they ask? Well the first thing to realize is the age of the children that are asking. The second is to understand that it is not a one size fits all response because one needs to know their children before offering a response. Answering the child with "no one is above the law, and the Governor broke the law" is a very good first response. A second response would be "The Govenor was a hypocrite, he did something that he prosecuted other people for doing." If the child persists and asks you exactly what that was, depending on the age of the child and the ability of the child to understand, you can ask the child "how important is it to you to know exactly what the Governor did? Does it really matter to you?" It is very possible that the child will say "not really". Because you already answered most of the question that the Governor broke the law, and that he was a hypocrite which was really the basic issue.

If the child is persistant and continues asking questions, you can simply say "he was involved in very not tzniusdik issues, do you really want me to go into it with you?". We all pretty much know that kids really are as uncomfortable discussing sex with adults as adults are discussing it with kids. So you don't have to rush into a discussion on sex or prostitution with your children. Take it slow. Don't just jump into the conversation. Remember a conversation is a dialogue between two people. Remember to listen as well as speak. Pay attention to what the childrn are saying and asking. Don't offer more information than what they are really asking for or need to know. Ask them open ended questions not just "yes or no" questions. Let them tell you what they think and then you can correct them if necessary.

We are really getting into a huge panic here, but if we use our heads and hearts we will come through this ok. Use what we call the two breath method in coaching. Take two breaths before answering a question, which gives you an extra minute to think before answering and not just jump into it and blunder. Give thought to what your kids are saying and give thought to what you are answering.

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" It seems there was this parush (ascetic) who decided that he would bring his newborn son up to be a perfect tzaddik. Thus, immediately after the child’s bris, he isolated him in a room and allowed only his mother to care for him. No other females were to come close to him. When the child turned three and had his first haircut, new rules were made. Henceforth no female, including his mother, would be allowed to enter the child’s room. Only his father and a rebbe would enter so as to teach him Torah. This regimen of pure Torah learning was carried on for 15 years. Even for his bar mitzvah, only a select group of ten men were allowed in to see him, to hear his drashah and to wish him mazal tov.

When our young man turned 18, it became necessary to look for a shidduch. But before this could be done, he would go visit the rav of the town to obtain semichah, rabbinical ordination. There was really no choice. He had to leave his protected premises and go see the rav. So, the father accompanied his son to the rav’s house. As hashgachah would have it, on the way, they passed a group of young ladies. “Tatte, father, what are those?” the young man asked. “Katchkes [geese],” his father replied, and they continued on their way. A few minutes later, the young man spoke up again, “Tatte?” he asked. “Yes?” replied his father. “Buy me a katchke,” said the son.

We need to recognize that some things simply cannot be fenced out. Some things are inherently us. To do so, we would have to fence ourselves out of where we are—a logical impossibility. Yet some attempt this."

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In an article in the April 2005 Jewish Press, Dr. Marvin Schick wrote:

"I do not have a shred of competency to discuss halachic matters and I do not have the spiritual stature to discuss those that are hashkafic. For this reason alone and emphatically also because we are obligated to be obedient, I cannot and will not challenge what we have been told...

I am competent to feel the pulse of the community, to sense what is being said and felt. What I and I believe others sense is disquieting and I have decided to write in the hope that our Torah authorities will pay heed. Whenever there is a new ban, there is a cascade of jokes and ridicule among religious Jews, as if humor might serve as a surrogate for how many feel but are wary to put into words. L'tzanis -idle talk and jokes - is, of course, base behavior, yet it is there in our community and we ought not avert our eyes from this reality."

I don't know what the answer to the above is, but the reality is that "humor might serve as a surrogate for how many feel but are wary to put into words". On the other hand, I doubt anyone would find problematic something like above story about the parush and the katchkes, which is more about foibles in general.

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They are all saying the same painful reality: We need to change things....yesterday! Please lets not shoot the messengers who remind us of this.

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(You know the one about Goldber'g nails? He advertised with a picture of Yashka on the cross: Use Goldbeg's nails. His friends told him he's crazy, its over the top, you can't have a picture of Yshka hanging in an ad. So he changed it immediately. The new bilboard had a picture of an emtpty cross with a human body on the floor. The caption was "Should have used Goldberg's nails!)

I believe the people here who are mocking an approach to life too often really experienced by children in our community are equally doing so l'shem shamayim. Is it not a klippa of Amalek to stifle children's emotional growth by forbidding questions or discussion of their concern? Is the threat of physical punishment or humiliation that is so often used to "fight the yetzer hara" not klipas Amalek? Is the shutting off of the brain switch and refusing to THINK (even when couched in the rationalization of "following daas torah"), not klipas amalek? I guess that shameful label can only be saved for badchanim and people who go to concerts (Lo Aleynu, Rachmana Litzlan Rachmana L'shziv).

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This is the most telling factor as to who you are. If this behaviour (which we know causes untold emotional scars for life) should be overlooked in your eyes then you must belong to that category of sick people yourself. This also explains why you take such a strong view against discussing a subject relating to man-woman relationships. One visit to the internet cafes in Jerusalem will show you what isolation results in. Let's face reality as Rabbi Horowitz is trying to educate parents to do, and deal with the issues rather than forcing the kids to seek explanations from the media which you cannot protect from anyore as it is literally thrown in your face! Rabbi SR Hirsch in his essays on chinuch, discusses the effect of hiding reality from your kids. It may work while they are at home (if you can keep out the bad winds) but your kid will not have been taught any tools how to cope with the bad winds when he is finally allowed to venture out into the street - and let's be honest, one trip to town will destroy his innocense and he will not have the keilim to look the other way. I would go so far as to say that the fact that you have internet access contradicts the way of life that you and #15 are proposing here. Either you are living in the 21st century and will admit that we cannot beat our kids into prishus today or you are living the lie that will when revealed will destroy your kids. Wake up people!!! Rabbi Horowitz deals with the results of kids brought up in these kind of homes. All kinds of homes. He knows first hand that in today's times building an open relationship with your kids and giving them a kosher information outlet will save them (to a certain extent) from being swallowed up in the world of tuma.

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And you people are wasting your valuable time with Shpitzer... or shpritzer...?????? WHATS WITH BITUL ZMAN?????? DON'T YOU KNOW THAT THE WORLD CAN COLLAPSE WITHOUT TOIRA?

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1] Every person must make sure to avoid activities that will make splash headlines in ways that put Jews in a negative light.

2] Controlling tayvos is a lifelong endeavor and makes no difference what title others bestow upon you or how you dress yourself up.

3] Personal failings can undo all good done in your professional life until that time.

A superb read is Jonathan Rosenblum's article about Tiger Woods.